Separation Anxiety

We're hardly like peanut butter and jelly. Tom & Jerry or Itchy & Scratchy might be closer to reality. We fight with each other, scream at each other, drive each other crazy, subject each other to the whole cold shoulder treatment, but we always make up. Angry words are always forgiven and shouting matches quickly forgotten (well, usually at least). Such is my relationship with my mom; an amazing one in fact.

I see my mother once every few months when she flies in for her month-long sojourn, a couple of times a year. A somewhat permanent arrangement that has started over a decade ago. She comes and goes like a seasonal migrating bird and that's the drill. Although it's one that I never quite get used to.

So human beings and animals alike are programmed to get used to things. You do the same thing all the time over some months, or some say 21 days, and it becomes a habit. Repeat that over a couple of years and it'll be like second nature. Only that for my mommy situation here, I simply don't get used to her leaving after every month-long stay. Sixteen years and counting, I say hello to separation anxiety every time I bid my mommy goodbye. Every time she goes, the fiercely independent grown up who could effectively change light bulbs turns into the same homesick whiny teen 16 years ago. I get moody. I get emotional. I get homesick. You get the drift.

This morning when I left for work, I'm that whiny moody adolescent all over again, only that it seems more acute this time. Of course some things in life you really don't get used to but I blame this heightened sense of separation anxiety on aging. The fact that I've grown much older to be reminded of the fact that our time together on this earth is limited; that I've matured enough to really appreciate my mom for who she is and what she's done for me; that I've been living by myself long enough to cherish the company of my own mother; and that I relish that sense of security for the simple reason that she's my mom.

So yes, I'm somewhat moody now because I miss my mom tremendously. 世上只有妈妈好Translation: Mom's the only great thing in the world. Yes, really. Even when she drives me up the wall at times. I love my mom!

I don't want your life

"Because I don't want your life. It isn't good enough. "

That's exactly what I would say tonight when nosy distant relatives ask me why I'm not married or haven't popped the 2.5 kids.

With the big ass reunion dinner pending, I'm dreading to rekindle any vague family relations from mom's side of the family. Distant relatives I don't know well but whose kids of similar age as I, have been objects of comparison since time immemorial.

Being vertically challenged all my life, it was annoying to say the least when I was lined up with other kids back to back to compare height. Never mind the blow on the confidence. Then came the game of school results comparo, and I didn't fare well either.

The rest of the kids, of course welcomed this comparing game with a boost in their feel good department as reward. So much so that those little evil drones would scream "Let's compare height!!" the moment we meet when even the blind could tell that I'm at the losing end. Not fun. 

As a kid, I wouldn't have thought that genetics issue plays a big part in how tall I'd grow, and neither did I consider the fact that I went to an elite school for the gifted (or rich) and that scoring a "C" there would mean an "A" in other schools. That took me years to realize and even more years to shake off that sense of inferiority.

Adults are so cruel to subject their kids to this kind of rubbish.

To say that I'm not looking forward to tonight would be an understatement, especially when all of those kids have all blossomed into real adults. You know that type of real adults? Married with 2.5 kids type with a tiny apartment and second hand Toyota Camry? Yes, those.  Again, I'm the odd one out and the whole shebang of "Do you have a boyfriend?", "When are you getting married?" or "You should really have kids soon!" ensued. Not fun again.

Society punishes those who don't conform but tonight I shall speak my mind to live up to my reputation as the odd one out. The conformists play nice, stay polite and smile. The odd one out will tell them as it is: "I don't want your life because it's boring. Marriage is redundant. Divorce is messy. Kids are such burden. I want to live life the way I want and it's quite different from yours because yours is frankly, underwhelming. That's why I'm not married with 2.5 kids."

So yes, the odd one out has grown up to not let conformists bully her anymore. So there, I don't want your life.

The "Scent"imental Trail

I believe the very first spritz of perfume that landed on my skin was Diorissimo. A perennial favorite of my beloved late grandmother. One weekend afternoon, while we were getting ready to head out for our Sunday family day, she dispensed a spritz of Diorissmo on me. That very same innocent spray of ostensible lily of the valley ignited my insatiable hunger and passion for perfume.

It's the very same passion for fragrance that made me realize I have a highly sensitive nose that can detect different subtle scents in most perfumes. When I was young, I aspired to be a nose to create perfume but the dream was stubbed out by more practical academy pursuit and my mom's conclusion of me not being a nose material.

Fast forward 20 years or so, my mother was proven wrong during my stint in LVMH parfums. At a work trip in Paris, LVMH's nose Alberto Morillas (creator of FlowerbyKenzo) and I had a day sniffing scents in the lab while I impressed him with the ability to identify many raw scents. He pronounced that I have the olfactory prowess of a "Nose". Friends who have been on scent shopping trips with me would be amused and impressed by the fact that I could accurately sniff out and identify the different notes in a perfume. My friend Tessa could be my alibi as she looked at me with a ridiculous look with her eyes rolled back while I spelled out all the ingredients of the Balenciaga perfume when it was first launched.

Being "knighted" an amateur nose by a real nose has only fueled my love for perfume more and I couldn't walk past perfume counters without stopping by. Courtesy of my dad and grandma, I owned 3 bottles of perfume (Escape by Calvin Klein, Tresor by Lancome and Beautiful by Estee Lauder) at age 14, back when everyone in school were just starting to rub on "Smell Like Teen Spirit" deodorant (which brand was it again??). Right now, I unabashedly own more than 50 bottles of perfume.

My cream of the cults...all my cult perfumes I've amassed thus far

Perfume marks memories. Scents are known to be strong memory trigger. Chanel No.5 brings a cocoon of warm and fuzzy feeling to me as it was also worn by my late grandma. cKOne makes me miss my dad as I remember him rushing to the store to snag me a bottle after knowing I wanted one. Estee Lauder Pleasure will always remind me of my first real crush in Junior College, Brandon, as I sprayed the friendship bracelet I made him with its crisp peony notes. L'eau d'issey by Issey Miyaki was a signature of the post A-Level period while I held a holiday job in Esprit. Uni years were scented by Davidoff Cool Water. Creed's Spring Flower was bought in celebration of nabbing my first proper job. L by Gwen Stefani invokes happiness as it was worn during my holiday in Melbourne and Sydney with my buddies Dan and Jeremy. Some scents I can no longer wear as they stir up memories I'd rather forget like break ups and rough patches.

All these scents are the olfactory equivalent of marks on the totem pole of significant events in my life. My early 20s was characterized by a frenzy purchase of fragrance every now and then as the scent became "expired" by certain emotional associations. Now that I'm more grown up, stable, and comfortable in my own skin, I'm finally slowly down with the purchase. I've finally whittled down my staples to three winning scents which are my signature scents.

 The Signature Scents: Jo Malone Orange Blossom, Chloe by Chloe, Petite Cherie by Annick Goutal

So here they are, the three winning bottles: Petite Cherie made it here because of its olfactory merits with wonderful peach, jasmine and musk. All the breakups along the way (I first got it in 2004) didn't deter me from spritzing myself with it. Jo Malone is an emotional signature as my dad told me the scent reminds him of his childhood where breezes brought with them the heady scent of orange blossom and wearing it makes me feel closer to my milieu and my father. Chloe by Chloe is another olfactory treat bought during the time where I felt I'm, for once, comfortable in my own skin.

It does look like these three will be in my collection for the long haul.

In memory of Uncle Vincent

You are dearly missed by all of us. Especially the amazing fried eggs with soya sauce you so lovingly made for me upon request! I'll always remember you buying me a Smurfette plush toy with your own pocket money. It was so generous of you because I was a tiny kid and you were probably just in your late teens. A very handsome one no less.

I was endearingly told that when I was an infant, you would carry me to look at Kingsman the German Shepard when I was a toddler just to make sure he wouldn't bite me and chew me up. You and Uncle Desmond apparently saved my little life when Kingsman saw a baby for the first time and thought that it was food!

One day, when I have my own kids (or have friends over), I would make them your amazing Uncle V's fried eggs and tell them fondly about you. I would recount how I would keep pestering you to cook me those eggs. So much so that you would jokingly say that you'd give me those "eggs" you poop out in the loo, refuse to cook because of the trouble but only to relent later because you doted on me so much.

Once, some years back, while I was having pretty horrible virile fever, you came over with Aunty Yuleen with orange juice and food because you know I live alone. I remember how my face lit up in gratitude at the sight of the groceries you so kindly brought over.

Oh! I probably have my passion for perfume from you other than from my grandma. You always smelled awesome and we all said you were always so heavy-handed with your perfume that your clouds of fragrance forever walked in 10 steps ahead of you lol!

Thank you for being the best uncle I've ever had. Being your niece has been a blessing. Lots of your friends came over for the last 2 days. They spoke so fondly of you. You were a great man and an amazing husband to Aunty Yuleen they said, and they are right.

I miss you deeply. We all do. I'll see you at the other end of the rainbow bridge one day and let me attempt to cook you your famous egg again for a change.

I love you Uncle Vincent. Rest in peace.

Old Time's Sake...Old Canto!

This is for all the old cantos out there, or whoever grew up with Canto songs!! I was still crawling on the floor in Hong Kong when I first heard this and she's probably my first ever idol before Madonna and Duran Duran came in the mid-80s...well, it's the Queen of Canto Pop Anita Mui!!!! And this is the song that made her famous where she clinched the winner title of the Hong Kong's prestigious singing contest. Check it out! I LOVE the song and I LOVE her voice....too bad she's dead.....the other day my folks were just making a comment that new singers these days sound alike but nobody can sound like Anita Mui....I totally agree...the video is hilarious...check out the back-up dancers' routine!!! It's so gay! Especially when the guys are wearing white tights!! Princess is now doing it in the office!!! Super LOL!



Ohhh and I totally remember having a pink feather fan when I was young to attempt the dancing bit...yes, I was once super duper uncool....that's what happened when you turned on the TV too much in the old Hong Kong...but hey back then, I think it was super cool!!!

Happy Lunar New Year!

It's officially the Bunny Year! Happy Lunar New Year to all! I'm having a bit of an orphan Chinese New Year this year cos my folks and sister are flying back to Hong Kong today. Of all days I know, but then my pappy gotta be back home for work in time and couldn't get any flights in the next couple of days, so he gotta leave today :( Separation anxiety now cos suddenly the house is so damn quiet and even Mr Bond is a bit maladjusted and he's missing everyone and looking restless. Ahh but at least now I can walk around my apartment in my skivvies and start rearranging and tidying up the place now that it's back to me and Mr Bond...

Good thing is, I'll be left alone for the CNY and I won't have to do the whole visiting thing cos I'm not a fan of that cos it's the annual "Why aren't you married yet?" segment by all the nosy relatives. And I'll be quiet happy catching up on my readings at home and meeting my "adopted family" aka my bunch of friends instead! Ohhh and acupuncture on Saturday too! I really think it's doing me some good and I've gone to buy enough beauty treats and new shoes (erm...like 4 pairs?) + clothes to keep myself occupied and amused for the next couple of days. I'm super enjoying the long weekend!

Rise & Grind

I'm back at work and I'm so sad cos I miss my folks and sister dearly :(

Before I left for the airport, my dad kinda disappeared somewhere and then while I was packing in my room, he emerged from the stairs with two boxes of Chinese meds for my phlegm and two cans of my favorite Shanghainese oil braised bamboo shoots for me to bring back to SG.

And he went out of the way to get them because I was phlegm-y and the other day, while eating at this shanghai-nese place, I loved the oil braised bamboo shoots and he mentioned that it's available in a can and I went to the supermarket in HK to look for it but got the wrong one...And he went to get it for me just in time for me to bring it back....I'm so touched and it makes me feel like crying cos I miss him terribly....It'll take a couple of days for me to be back to normal I think. The post holiday blues is very real...especially when you miss your family :(

My cat, Mr Bond, on the other hand, is probably happy that I'm back though he's been very attached to Dan the cat sitter (the best in the world). Bondie has been sleeping next to Dan every night and now I gotta slowly get acquainted with Bondie again...but fret not cos when I got back to the office, among the pile of Christmas presents, Princess got me a book called 50 Games To Play With Your Cat....awwww.....

Mr Bond will love it...but it'll involve making props for him so it'll take awhile before I gather the materials to hand make some toys for him...

Meanwhile, my attempt to take the bus instead of the cab has failed again today because I could NOT WAKE UP. AGAIN!!! Argh...I need to save $$$ and I'm back on the Project Chinese Jew now that I've spent all my moolah shopping while in Hong Kong and Bangkok...okay, tomorrow I shall try again!! I must succeed! Wish me luck!

My favorite Petite Princesses!

I've been having so much fun lately hanging out with my very young cousins Lila and Isabelle. Lila's 7 and Isabelle 5 (yes, I'm more than 2 decades older but well, my very very cool aunt gave birth to Lila when she was 50 years old. Yes, you saw it. 50). They're the funniest and cutest people I know! And they're oh so pretty!!

Here they are!! Lila on the left and Isabelle on the right. 

Many said they look like twins

Isabelle looking grumpy as she gets her hair braided by my mom

She hates it when people take picture of her and ask her to smile

Lila's turn...she's a lot camera friendly 

Well yes, they're the coolest girls and I have soooo much fun hanging out with them and playing too. And they say the funniest things that make me laugh. Totally makes me wanna have little girls one day too! 

And during our New Year's Eve family dinner, they both made me presents!! Look! It's nicely wrapped with my favorite gnome wrapping paper

I think it's the Ikea garden gnome. Like me, Lila loves gnomes!

 Ohhh the little bag with two purple amethyst and miffy bunny is from Lila

The two petals and a sea shell is from Isabelle

Upon close inspection, the little miniature hand bag is hand sewn by Lila (she's only 7!)

And she made the beaded strap too!!!! Awwwww.....

I totally love my gift! Such treasures!!! I'm so very touched and it's now my very prized possessions and I'm gonna keep it until Lila's much older and then give it back to her one day! And I'm gonna put it at my work desk when I get back to SG and I'm gonna start writing snail mails with them! It'll be super fun! Now I have excuse to buy some nice stationary and cute letter pads!!! Very excited! I've got new pen pals!

Bangkok Bender....Family Edition

As some of you might already know from my twitter updates, I've been on a Bangkok trip with my family. No, not just my rents (rents=parents) and sister but almost half the clan!!!! With 8 other from the Miss B clan and we're a freaky traveling group of 12! And the scariest part is that, I, as in yours truly aka Miss B, is the only one who knows the way around Bangkok and with the ability to ask "Where's the toilet?" and "How much?" in Thai...oh I can count 1 to 10 in Thai too....and I can tell you that it's freaking stressful cos everyone's expecting me to know every nooks and toilet locations in any given shopping malls...oh yeah, they expect me to know every restaurants and shops in any given malls too....garrrr.....

But anyway, other than the freaking stressful bit, I actually had a pretty swell time sightseeing...well, there are only 2 spots which is Wat Arun and Ayuthaya (2 hours away from Bangkok city). Wat Arun cos apparently, according to my mom's book of family tree, the dude who's got the Temple built for is some ancient ancestor of my mom's side of the family...He's supposedly some kind of small time king ages ago...here's his mug shot (according to some of my clan, he actually bears a bit of a resemblance to a young cousin in my mom's side of the family....nah, I think they're just making it up)

Erm....well, I think my mom bears a very slight resemblance cos this portrait has a pissed-off look and my mom always looks pissed off....And the rest of the place is pretty nice too....very steep steps and stuff. But it's nicer than I would imagine...

The Miss B big clan....yes, all of them...I think there're some lurking behind me too

Not bad looking...

It's actually very steep...

 Oohh Me & Pappy...me with my new pink DianaF+ Lomo Camera

But ultimately, the Ancient City Ayuthaya is my favorite! It's the old capital of Thailand before the Burmese army invaded the city, driving the old Siam empire to adopt Bangkok as the new capital. The Burmese army ruined many shrines, chopping off the heads of all the Buddha statues....and one very famous head somehow found its way under a Bodhi tree and has been there since, with tree vines and roots growing around it and now it's a very famous spot in Ayuthaya. And when you want to take pictures with that, you've got to lower yourself and squat next to it cos you can't be higher than the Buddha's head. It's a very very scenic place and I LOVE IT!!!! I've always wanted to go but never got to until this trip. And it was nice, sunny and breezy that day...very very lovely...

As you can see, the Buddha's head been chopped off....

The famed Buddha's head....

M

More headless statues.... 

Ohhh that's the leaning tower of Ayuthaya....

 So that's Ayuthaya for you. The rest of the Bangkok is really the usual shopping and eating. Well, we've been to some very nice restaurants and a couple of them are top restaurants in BKK....went to the very famous Blue Elephant which is super posh. It's a very chichi colonial building that serves Thai cuisine but in a very western setting...it's almost like a french restaurant style...here's my very cute young cousins Isabelle and Lila and then my rents (wearing matching t shirt no less)

Can't be bothered taking more pictures and food porn cos I was too busy eating.....But Blue Elephant is very overrated and overpriced! It's not really worth its salt to be honest. The ambiance is excellent and fancy but the food is really so so...I'm not impressed. If you want a high-end place that sells really good Thai cuisine, there's this one called Baan Kanitha that's freaking good...apparently it's the No.1 restaurant in Bangkok like 7 years ago...

Anyways, here's Miss B's tips on traveling with big clan....

• If you're the only person who knows the way, NEVER, yes, NEVER say so. Failing which, the entire world will rely on you for directions and if you take a wrong turn, you get blamed on by everyone. That's speaking of personal experience
• If you've made the mistake of appointing yourself as the tour guide, then make sure you plan 5 steps ahead, knowing very very clearly where you intend to go or dine next AND coming up with a few options for the elders to choose and decide. Failing which, you'll get blamed for not being organised even when you're not really a tour guide by profession
• First thing to check out in the mall is to find out where the information center is because at some point, some of the peeps in your family would want to go find the restroom and if you don't know, they'll say you're a shit guide and that becomes YOUR problem
• If you're not the elders (people with authority in the family), don't even bother suggesting restaurants or you're gonna get blamed if the food sucks and you're gonna get some very angry faces if the food comes late (personal experience too....but a very important member had her food delivered only an hour later...)
• When the blind leads the blind, the ones with vision suffer. Yes, give very very strict instruction when you're guiding those who don't know the way (like when you're on the phone with them). Tell them if they don't follow, they won't find the way and if they are lost, it's not your fault. Yes, emphasize the last bit "NOT MY FAULT"
• If you're traveling with a bunch of not very adventurous elders, do consider packaged tour. It's a hell lot less stressful

Well, as you can see from my tips, my trip did have a bit of kinks along the way...but it's still good  nonetheless....and I did a bit of shopping....ta daaaaa....

Not exactly a lot but I did buy quite a bit of Soap&Glory face products cos they're not really available at Sephora in Singapore....but I'm nonetheless very broke cos it's the shopping in Hong Kong that's killed me....will tell you more...