The other day, I watched this fantastic aussie movie called Muriel's Wedding and it's now one of my favorite movies. Great story line worked out in the most humorous manner. In the movie, Muriel's this ugly geeky goober chick among her ditsy barbie-dollesque bimbo mates. Every chick's either getting hitched or was attached and Muriel's clearly the one left on the shelf. She's been dreaming of getting married herself her entire life and ya da ya da ya da, after much struggle with self-image and all, she did have a bogus marriage which didn't satisfy her and she finally found herself through a series of events like the death of her mom and her best friend's condition with cancer.
Okay, those kind of silent triumph that makes you roll a feel salty tears of joy as you cheer for the protagonist's victory in life. I LOVE the movie and I thought that this is the kind of movie that I would love to watch on a daily basis cos it's probably the closest it can get from my own life. Well, clearly my life's a far-fetch comparison to films like Pride&Prejudice or the murder thrillers along the likes of Match Point. Movies like Muriel's Wedding really strike a cord in my heartstring cos it's something I can relate to. BUT.....
Yes, there's always a "BUT" in many things in life. Okay, well, but I've come to the painful realization that there seems to have no silent triumph in line for me. Well, like I said before, I seem to be running on a standstill where there's nothing much happening in my life and everything's just like a lukewarm cup of flavorless tea. So where the hell is MY own silent triumph gonna come from?? Oh dear, now that is indeed depressing.
I guess that's one of the reasons why I can't stand anything lukewarm and mediocre. It's like there's no trough and no climax, everything's just dull. In a sick and sadistic manner, I'd rather be going through some negative drama rather than having things lukewarm like now cos at least when I'm in the pits, I do feel alive cos the pain and distress that comes along tell me that I'm still alive and breathing, be it struggling. And you know that when things are really rock bottom and so low, the only way is up and you can just ride through the lousy time and look forward to the high that is something like sweet victory. Right now, things are just too lukewarm, I'm neither struggling nor thriving, only breathing. And that's not good enough cos you don't even know if this is nastily placid phase's gonna be here for awhile. Not good really.
I guess perhaps that's why I have bipolar disorder cos I thrive on such extremes in life much as I would like to deny it. And I guess this is part of the reason why I'm so addicted to watching dvds on a daily basis these days. It simply gives me something to look forward to when I come home cos no matter how lousy my day is or how dull work gets, I know that my boring little daily life stops the movie I slot a movie into the dvd player and press play on the remote. In a matter of seconds, I get shipped into these vicarious lives of all the movie characters....great isn't it? Oh well.....I'm still waiting for something interesting to happen.
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