Jealousy Not Required

Saw this on Facebook. I couldn't resist posting this cos it's so bitchy and funny. Especially after being hounded by my douchebag ex's psycho new squeeze recently. LOL!

Of love and kidneys

With a pretty impressive track record of "Crash & Burn" in the relationship department, I thought I would have a better idea of what that elusive thing called Love is. My past naivety had me thinking that every heart break I suffered earned me imaginary stripes in the quest of understanding love.

The teens years were days of infatuation where the dreamy concept of "forever" smoked up a heady fog that tricked me into thinking puppy love was meant to last. Then, with the demise of the teenage dreams and many Kleenex tissue boxes later, the early 20s was a quest of finding "The One" where the first major break up with "Who You Thought Was The One" possibly gave you your first emotional trauma in life. You realized there are not just ONE but there are many possible ONES. Then, mid 20s was a period of trial-and-error where you find out what you like and what you don't. By early 30s, you've possibly matured into knowing what you want and have hopefully found it.

The Hollywood-movie type of intense crazy passionate love might make your heart skip a beat thinking you've found LOVE, but what builds up quickly and madly sometimes and quite often fades off just as quickly. Embarrassing was recalling the many times where I thought "This is IT!", just to have them ended in shambles. The many divorced friends around bear testimony to this and the movie "Closer" has an excellent quote that aptly describes the whole falling in and out of intense love relationships. In it, Jude Law's character says "If you believe in love at first time, you never stop looking." When the intensity is gone, you'll go find someone else to be intense with. This much I know and this much I can attest to.

Slow and steady seems to win the race corny as it sounds. Go for the turtle, not the rabbit. As an ex junkie for that heady rush of new love's excitement, I've come to a point where I appreciate the comfort of the slow and steady approach. Level-headed good. Melodrama bad. Simple logic. And just as I think I'm all zen and grown-up with my outlook on love , a casual dinner conversation with my friend last night made me realize, perhaps, I knew nothing after all.

When asked when she first realized her love for her boyfriend of over 10 years and now husband-to-be, my friend,T, the impending bride, said it was only after three years or so that she knew she truly loves him. Six month to a year was the answer I was expecting and my surprised look prompted her to elaborate:

"Come on, the first 2 years don't count because you're new together and it's honeymoon. I love him earlier then but it wasn't the type where I would give him one of my kidneys to save his life kind of love. When it hit the three-year mark, I love him enough to know I would want to spend the rest of my life with him. It wasn't crazy Hollywood type, it was very comfortable and deep."

And she meant the kidney part. What I thought was a figure of speech description was indeed what she meant. She would give him one of her kidneys to save him. Now THAT is love. The irony was that among our group of friends, T was often made fun of for being seemingly cold, boring and too pragmatic that we were forever giving her useless tips from magazines like sexy lingerie to spice up her love life. As she was slowly but surely building her love with her fiance, the rest of us were going through break ups after break ups.

I need to revisit what I think love is now, considering the fact that I wouldn't give a kidney to save the ex whom I considered to be most in love with even at the peak of the lovey dovey epic.

Would you give a kidney to your partner/spouse/lover/boyfriend/girlfriend when push comes to shove?

I think I need to call my parents tonight to ask them their views on this. After all, they have been married for 33 years, lived through what seems like the non-Hollywood movie kind of love but are still very much happy together till these days, "Turtle Couple" style.

Lessons in Love

Note to self on the matter of the heart....lessons from both personal and friends' experiences....

• Your happiness is the most important thing. In love and in life alike. If you're not happy, it's not working out.
• You can totally love someone but if the person makes you miserable, it's not working out. Being in love or loving someone isn't an excuse to be unhappy or put up with shitty things.
• NEVER settle for less. If you don't feel 100%, forget it. Don't string people along.
• Be with someone who wants to be with you wholeheartedly, not some booty call douche or "string-er" who's buying time to get someone better
• Often, it's all about being at the right place, at the right time with the right person. Sometimes, it really isn't you but the timing and the person. Be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself over it.
• ALWAYS keep your dignity and pride even in the event of a heartbreak, never grovel because you don't want someone who doesn't want you.
• Sometimes, there simply aren't any answers to whys and hows. Let go if you can't find out. Don't dwell.
• You either love the person or you don't. Sometimes you don't get to choose who you love, so listen to your heart.
• Never get involved with a married person. It will not end well. And never be the 3rd party. 
• Breakups and heartbreaks suck, but you'll be okay. Ride it out like a bad bad flu. You feel like dying initially but slowly that, too, will pass.
• Don't agree to staying as friends with an ex because your pride tells you to. Pride isn't about putting up a brave front to make the ex feel that you're cool. It's about knowing what's best for you and that includes telling the person you need to cut him/her out.
• Never put up with or tolerate abuse of any kind, be it physical or emotional. You're too precious for that.
• Never change anything about yourself for someone, you're lovely as you are and should be loved for who you are. Never let the other person tell you you're not good enough.
• Be honest and faithful in a relationship. Don't cheat. Karma will always come back to bite you in the ass
• People and friends will always give you advice and make comments but only YOU know what's best. Always follow your heart and do things YOUR way, not what other people say or based on consensus
• Choose the good ones. If you know the person is bad news from day one, don't go there. Save yourself the heart ache and pain.
• Sometimes, an ex is an ex for a reason and there's no point keeping them in your life if they're just not a real friend. Axe out the toxic people.
• "I love you" should be about "You"ie the person and not about how loving the person makes YOU feel ie the "I" part. If it's about "I", it won't last
• "Forever" is a stupid concept. 
• It's never just about feelings cos that, too, will pass. Some days you'll wake up not feeling much but relationship is a long-term commitment and you go through days and periods where you don't feel up for it. If you're serious, you persist and stick to it and realize it's about companionship and the deeper sense of love. Not those fleeting honeymoon kind of lovey dovey feeling.
• Never jump in blindly. Be very careful with who you give your heart to. It's YOUR heart that's at stake. Take some time to know the person.
• Trust is to be earned
• Take it with a BIG pinch of salt if someone tells you "I Love You" too soon. It's likely to be that rush of heady honeymoon love that would eventually fade away. Real love takes time to develop.
• Be happy on your own before you start a relationship with anyone. You want to "want" the person and not "need" the person for healthy co-dependency
• It's better to be alone and single than be in something that's not working. You can't force things to happen. Know when to let go. 
• There really are a lot of other fishes out there. Just have to be patient. Good things come to those who are patient.
• Last but not least and corny as it is, Love yourself! YOU are the most important thing ever. If there's no "YOU", there's no "US", no "WE". Get the basic right.

Sex & Food

F: I just had KFC. It was so good when I was eating it but then after I'm done, I feel so grossed out now!

Miss B: I know...just like random one-night-stand shag. Good while it lasts but shitty afterwards

F: Oh, that's a pretty good analogy....hmmm.....so if that's random shag, what food is good sex?

Miss B: What kind of good sex?

F: How about those crazy lusty carnal good shags?

Miss B: That would be gourmet fine dining in fancy restaurants....

F: Erm...okay. Then those soulful, emotional love-making sex?

Miss B: Gourmet food that not only tastes good but is also healthy and non-fattening....

F: Oh then what kind of shag is food that looks good but taste lousy?

Miss B: Bad sex with good looking hotties or model type...good to look at, lousy in the sack....

F: The type that is yummy but leaves you hungry?

Miss B: Premature ejaculation and the session gets truncated and you get frustrated

F: Hmmm....what about those beer goggle shag? Wake up the next day to find out the person looks crap?

Miss B: Easy! That's realizing whatever you have just eaten has indeed been expired and now you regret eating it cos diarrhea is coming

F: Wahahahaha! How apt! Adulterous cheating sex?

Miss B: No brainer! Eating fried anything while you're on a diet or drinking fat coke instead of diet coke

F: Hahaha....now this one...hard one, pun intended....what food is sex with men with shockingly small penis?

Miss B:.....*think real hard*......cheap cocktail sausage

Men, Cheating & Prostitution

Last week during a photoshoot, I was chatting with photographer, Ken, and the topic of men and their cheating ways came about. He basically said that men are programmed to cheat and they will if they can. Not the first time I heard this but it's just ever so disturbing whenever I hear it from yet another straight man who thinks that cheating is in fact, in a men's nature and biological make-up. The need to spread their "seeds" as wide and as much as they can is always the favorite number one "reasoning". Blame it on revolution and go ask Uncle Darwin and he would tell you the same thing. Ken said women should just understand and close one eye and know that just because your husband or boyfriend is poking his wiener into another woman's vajayjay for pleasure doesn't means he loves you less. Again, it isn't the first time someone told me that cos long ago, a friend David said that how well a marriage works depends on how tolerant the wife is when it comes to the hubby's philandering ways.

It's very tragic and much as most women I know would curse and swear at the above mentioned statements, they all know that what Ken and David said is kinda true to some extent. Yes, there'll always be the really faithful men but those are quite a rare breed these days apparently. Personally, I know more than a handful of guy friends who are cheating, have cheated or will be fine cheating on their girlfriends and wives. And yes, some women are also guilty of cheating but generally, you hear stories of men cheating more than that of women cheating. And whenever I say that men tend to cheat more than women, my straight guy friends will be quick to defend their own gender and say that women cheat too but hey, if you can use the evolutionary need to "spread your seed" as an excuse to cheat and blame it on biology, then well, you have just made your point that men DO tend to cheat.

So I told Ken that it sucks cos women are in the losing end and in my next life, I would wanna be a rich smart handsome man so I can have lots of girls and Ken said:

"See!!! That's precisely the point! If you're the man, even you yourself said you would wanna cheat! So you and all the women folk out there ought to understand us men cos it's just the way we're wired"

I was lost at words...and he then followed to tell me something more disturbing...he thinks that philandering men who don't cheat with a prostitute are stupid. I gasped in horror and he explained:

"You see, you think prostitution is bad but it's really the easiest and the smartest way cos you spend the money, you get laid and have your fun. If you're going to a club to score a girl, you gotta woo and buy drinks and sometimes you don't even get lucky. Then, if you get lucky, she might turn out to be some crazy psycho who wants more and would call you while you're with the wife or the girlfriend so you're screwed. And if it's the one-night-stand kind of girl, you don't know if she's got some STD and condom isn't fool-proofed and then what if she gives you trouble and cries rape the next day like the recent case in Zouk? Then you're double screwed! If you go to a prostitute, she can't cry rape, you can choose who exactly you want, you spend the money and you're guaranteed to get laid and they have to constantly go for health checks. Isn't it easier? Now you see the point?"

Shit....why the fuck does this make sense? I hate to admit but yes, it actually has some sound reasoning to it....not good! Cos what if like me, you're one of those women folks out there who simply can't tolerate cheating? So is that to say we're doomed for heartbreak?

Now, Sophion the make up guru joined in the discussion and agreed that women simply gotta close an eye. So I brought up what I thought was the ultimate weapon. TRUE LOVE. I said whatever happens to true love?? If you love your wife or girlfriend, aren't you supposed to not do rubbish like that like cheating? Sophion then said:

"Darling, true love only lasts a certain time for as long as you're still in your honeymoon and are aren't bored with the person okay?"

Oh no....again, from the stories I know of and some personal experience, yes, sometimes love goes away and Scotty has so rightly pointed out that very often, material things last longer than love. Now I dunno what to think....it seems like maybe my whole concept of monogamous loving relationship isn't realistic? That's quite a scary thing...or is this "close an eye" approach a new norm and the better way to go? I really don't quite know and I'm not exactly sure what to expect or what is acceptable. It's all so convoluted that I think I decided to just go shoe shopping instead....

Skank-ology

 The United Nation of Skanks?

Today I'm gonna talk about the emergence of Skanks. Yes, Skanky girl kinda of Skanks, that is, slutty girls who behave and present themselves (be it the way they dress, talk or behave) provocatively sexual or overtly and overly flirtatious with whatever men they cross path with. I'm almost sure some of you might have known a skank or two and might even have some run-ins with them. Thing is, men kinda love skanks cos they're slutty easy target and well, if I'm a single man and I have skanks throwing themselves at me, of course I would take the free pussy!

Let the skanks be whatever and whoever they want cos there's always a place and time for skanks and sometimes they can provide pretty good entertainment even. I, myself, love to read the blog of a skank (whose name shall not be mentioned) both me and OGT love to slag off and yes, it's soooo entertaining what skanky stuff she would be up to. But then there would also be a time when you have major issues with skanks when they start throwing themselves at your boyfriends and husbands, sometimes knowing that they are taken and attached or married! How outrageous!

Me and my lovely Joanie have had our fair share when it comes to seeing how some skanks would try to lay their hands on the men we're with and boy, we both HATE them with a passion! Honestly, we both don't know why some women would do that cos yes, sexy is good but sexy doesn't have to be skanky and skanks just make themselves look cheap and crass. Yeah, crass not class. Fine, if you have a nice body, of course play up your nice features, after all, if you have it, flaunt it. But it doesn't mean you gotta let it all hang out cos it's more scintillating to do it tastefully no? Also, there's a place and time for flaunting the body. If you're proud of your perky boobies and pert bum, go sun-bathing or the pool in your skimpy bikini. Wearing lingerie as outfit (and I don't mean the sexy classy type where you have a nice lace camisole under a jacket or something) everywhere is well, just cheap.

And many are so vulgar that we seriously don't know why they want themselves to look or behave like a paid working girl. I mean where is the respect for themselves? Don't they have anything else to offer? And what are they gonna do when their looks are gone and their boobs and ass start going south? Oh yeah, sorry, I forgot, call in the plastic surgeon. But it's sad when your self worth has to be judged based on how you look and not much else....And I said that if I have a daughter and for some reason beyond me that she turns out to be a skank, I would seal up her vajayjay and send her to a convent. Joanie suggested sending her to a temple and I think it's even more brilliant cos she would have to shave her hair bald!

Now let me identify the different kinds of Skanks out there:

• The Real Whore Skank: Yup, as the name suggests, they're just out for a real shag and just wanna get laid for whatever reasons. They could be sex addict or they have self-worth issues and find self-worth and assurance in having men wanting to bed them. They'll hit on anything with a dick, even ugly ones sometimes cos they need to be wanted sexually to feel good. Sad really. It's also known as the "FATA" aka Fuck And Throw Away cos usually, they're easy laid for a night of shag and nothing more
• The Gold Digging Skank: Self-explanatory much? These skanks go for rich men and the men don't have to be old. As long as they've got the money, it doesn't matter that he looks like Jabba The Hutt. These girls don't necessarily dress like sluts but once she spots a good catch, they zoom in, flirt up a storm and try their best to get the catch by throwing themselves at them
• The Attention Seeking Skank: They only want attention, similar to Facebook Skank with all the provocative pictures but then they might actually openly talk about anything provocative like sex and stuff or how they love sex toys just to get people's attention. Honestly, what you do with your private parts should really be private...some bloggers actually do that, like openly put their half-naked pictures on or talking about sexual conquest or something along that line. Sometimes I wonder what their fathers would think if the dads read that or see the photos.
• The Facebook Skank: You see them quite a bit I'm sure and some of us might even have a friend or two like that. The Facebook Skank is often seen posing in slutty pose with cleavage showing or half naked...yeah you get the picture, haha, you might even have seen many. And they'll talk suggestively with men on Facebook, calling them "Darling", "Honey" or other terms of endearment. Some can be harmless and just wanna get attention but some are out to get guys, which brings me to the next type...
• The Boyfriend/Husband-Stealing Skank: Yes, another self-explanatory one and some even disguised as decent girls but hey, they're actually flirting furiously with your man behind your back and are aplenty on Facebook. They will send sms, email, facebook comments/post on wall or other forms of communications to your man, sometimes knowing that the guy is attached or married. Very shameless but they're everywhere and this is the kind of skanks you wanna watch out for. Some can even pose as your friend but steal your man behind your back. Their tactics? Praising the man excessively like saying he's sooo gorgeous and macho, soooo talented, soooo hot, soooo great and she likes him sooo much and can't wait to hang out with him and stuff like she misses him (like wtf right?) even when they're just normal friends. It's so disgusting in the way they suck up to your man that I'm almost sure that if the man stick his wiener out, she would immediately kneel down and suck it. I've had a skank (an ex of the bf) told my boyfriend "Hehehe, I miss having sex with you!" when she already KNEW that he's seeing me and that she HAS a boyfriend then! How shameless is that???? 

Have I missed out any? Seriously women have come a long way fighting for our rights and equality and skanks just totally regress our hard-earned progress. Think about it, if you see the guy equivalent of the skanks, he'll be glorified as a heart-breaker, a player, bad ass but for women, they'll always get the shorter end of the stick and be labelled derogatory terms. Yes no maybe? Oh well...let's just hope I won't have a skank for daughter next time or I'll have the "Si Ma Lu" Guanyin Temple on speed dial...

Black Beauty

"Once you go black, you can't go back" doesn't just describe um, you know what....this racy comment applies to hair as well...yes, the hair on your head. Once you color your hair black, the color will stick for a looooong time and the only way to lighten hair is to use harsh bleach cos if you use normal hair color, salon or DIY, the color will not show, even if you pick a really light color. You can try but trust me, your hair will still be black cos black pigment sticks to your hair shaft like super glue...

But recently, I had a rather unsatisfactory professional hair color job...in fact, I've never had a decent one cos I've always wanted ash brown hair color without any tinge or red. But whenever I go for a hair color job and despite my relentless effort to tell the hair stylist that my hair has a lot of red pigments (My natural color's not black, it's got a very reddish tone) and that I don't want my brown to look red, the hair would still come out reddish brown...I absolutely HATE that...and my recent visit to the hair salon wasn't any different. I walked home with reddish brown...and it's a total waste of money cos I hate it....Not to mention it dries up my hair too....

So enough is enough and I've decided to go black again. I've always LOVED jet black hair cos it's so nice and exotic. Not in the scary ghostly way, nor the ratty matted type...I mean luscious silky black hair is so nice and gorgeous...And so I did it...I don't think I'll be touching any hair color for a while now...but while talking about going black with Josh, he said "Hunny, just stick to black for now for god's sake cos guys don't care and we like it black on Asians. Period. Any other color is just gonna make you look like an ah lian and it cheapens the look"

I told him, firstly, I color my hair to suit myself and not to please anyone, let alone that annoying gender with a dick. So it started this whole debate on whether men actually prefers black or very dark brown on Asian chicks. Josh swears men prefer black on Asian girls and he said I can ask anyone...I didn't quite believe so I did a mini straw poll....

Alvo: I prefer black....not too brown please

Wee Lee: Not too brown or light....maybe a hint of nice brown in the sun is okay

J: Black is nice....lighter color looks skanky lah....and so many girls are coloring their hair that color...

K: Black nice lah, but must be shiny and silky if not will look like Filipino maid...if it's the ratty matted kind of black, then I'd rather it brown...but some browns are damn ugly...cos it's almost like yellowish...looks diseased

Markus (white boy): I have yellow fever...I hate Caucasian chicks and I LOVE black hair, so exotic. Don't color it...

Oh my....looks like Josh might be right....he said "It's the same thing, what do you think of Asian men with non-black hair? I mean the type that's colored. Have you seen any nice ones around or not? You name me one nice one!" Well....honestly I couldn't....in my defiant way, I said I'm sure some would look nice with non-black hair...but then, truth be told, I could only think of the horrible colored ones...and I couldn't name one single Asian boy who's got nice colored hair....hmm...okay, fine. Black it is then....

Are we meeting today?

How often do you meet your boyfriend/girlfriend/partners/other half?

In the past, I used to average twice or 3 times a week but currently with BB, I see him everyday cos we pretty much live in the same place. I remember once upon a time, my gorgeous work neighbour Chris told me that she meets her boyfriend (ohhh...now, fiance! Congrats!) everyday and they would spend time everyday. I was a bit freaked out cos yes I do know that there're some couples who meet daily but I always think that maybe they're a bit obsessive. But then now that I'm in that arrangement, I'm actually quite comfortable with it and actually like it.

A reader once told me that she likes living together with her boyfriend cos it means there's no more "Are we meeting today or what?" questions and one too many girlfriends of mine have once expressed that they find the whole "when should I meet my boyfriend" bit a little hard to figure out. I used to have the same problem in the past especially with people whom I just started dating...I'd feel deterred to even ask the person to meet up cos I hate rejection and I also worry if the person's meeting out of obligation (okay, I have issues asking for things in general but that's a totally different issue altogether). A lot of my girlfriends said they don't wanna impose or infringe on the other person's space and a couple of them also once said that they're worried that meeting the guy more would mean the guy will get sick of them faster and then the guy would be complacent and start doing less for them...like the flowers would disappear, the loving texts and sms will dwindle, the affection will lessen, the sparkle will lose its luster, the honeymoon will be over sooner....Well, I guess that's a valid fear and I have the same fear too, don't we all?

So when I asked Chris (by now you should figure that I regard Chris and her man as the ideal model couple) if she or her man gets bored meeting everyday and if it means they'll gets too comfortable with each other....Chris the wise said "Well, it doesn't mean everyday has to be exciting, sometimes it's about spending time doing things together and the companionship is important. Come on, if you can't even face the person everyday now, how do you expect to face the person for a life time?"

Wow....I've never thought of it that way. I guess it's quite a motto..."If you can't even face the person everyday now, how do you expect to face the person for a life time?" Chris' quote is so true! Now that I think of it, I actually have couple friends who get totally maladjusted after they get married cos all of a sudden, they have to face each other everyday and live together and they get a whole different set of problems with it. Looks like Chris' quote is something I'm gonna live by now!

Sweaty Willie...

Booo....it's Monday again and yet another weekend too short has passed so damn quickly and now I'm having Monday blues...actually it started last night......so maybe here's some stupid and potentially funny thing for you.....Hmmm...the other day in C-lee's car, we're all talking rubbish as usual and then somehow the topic of penis came up (also as usual)...and suddenly I thought of something that most people never thought of and till now, I still dunno the answer....and the million dollar question is....

Can or does a penis sweat? You know the skin on the shaft? Can or does it sweat?

See...nobody really knows the answer....some said yes, some said no, I said no cos the willie is of a lower temperature than the body...then uncle josh said oh what if you're in a sauna, does it sweat? dunno....scottie said he thinks it does but very very little....everyone has their theory and I tried to google it...no luck...and do I ask a urologist or a dermatologist this burning question??? Hmmmm....I really really wonder...if you know the answer, let me know please! Curiosity kills Miss B!

Red Flags

I was playing Aunt Agony to a girl friend of mine and she's having some trouble with her new "date". She said "date" and not boyfriend cos they're supposed to be dating each other exclusively but they're not at a stage where they'd introduce each other to as "girlfriend" and "boyfriend" to their friends and now she's in a bit of a dilemma cos the guy seems to be showing a bit of early warning signs that he might still be keeping his options open cos he's been getting very frequent emails from his "new friends" who are all female. Thing is, they met online and my friend's kinda worried that he might still be chatting with other girls despite that he's already taken his profile off the dating site....so yeah, my friend's kinda disturbed and she asked if it's a "red flag" situation. I said...possibly but I guess it's a bit too early to judge cos she'll probably have to wait and observe it a bit more to see how it all pans out...But it got us talking about some of the early red flags warnings for people who're not that serious about you in the early stage of dating ...and let me give you some of the warning signs which are definitely red flags in my book....

Miss B's Red Flag Warning Signs:

• You're supposed to be dating each other exclusively but still the person doesn't introduce you as "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" to his or her friends or describe what you two have as a "relationship". Okay granted that it's a bit awkward in the initial stage and sometimes it takes a while for the "girlfriend" and "boyfriend" labeling to set in but if it's say 3 months into your "exclusive dating" arrangement and you're still being referred to as "friend" in public or when the word "relationship" is avoided, then red flag!!
• If he or she is constantly entertaining an influx of "new friends" of the opposite sex (or same depending on your sexual orientation) via text, phone, msn, email etc....It might mean that he/she is sort of telling you it's exclusive but then he/she might not have closed other options and is possibly flirting with others too
• You guys don't plan your time together and are still randomly meeting and you still go through the "I wonder if he's free this weekend" thing.....or if he/she isn't making plan with you in mind or doesn't quite inform you of his/her plan...it's worse when you THINK that you're gonna spend time with him/her but turns out that other plans without you have been made...If you're in a real committed relationship, you plan your time together
• If you're constantly excluded in his/her outings or get together or party....of course you can't expect to be invited all the time cos there're times when you want private catch up with friends, but if you're always excluded in big groups of get-togethers where people bring their partners along, it's not a good sign!
• Now you've been staying over at each others' places for some time now but he/she STILL makes you bring all your belongings back each time after you stay the night....warning! Cos I would imagine your partner to make some space for you to chuck your stuff and sometimes
• He/She isn't very comfortable holding hands or being physically close to you in public...not asking you to make out or snog your lips out till someone shouts "Get a room" but if the person's not comfy with holding your hands in public, it's a warning sign...
• They withhold information when it comes to going out with the opposite sex (or same, depending on your sexual orientation again)...they wouldn't say a word unless you ask or is kinda dicey when it comes to tell you who the person is. And that happens rather often.....for most of my couple friends, they agree that if they're going out with the opposite sex, they would inform their partners prior to it as a sign of respect and to reassure that it's nothing. 
• If the person doesn't want you to meet his/her friends, well, warning too......or when he/she wanna keep everything low key cos why so secretive? Very dodgy!

It's about all I can think of right now...some I've experienced myself and some my friend did....but the bottomline is, if you want commitment and the other party's not ready to give, walk off cos life's too short for compromise...yes, I've heard the whole "Oh but I'm not ready now but I might slowly get ready"....well, when they say they're not ready, BELIEVE them and pull back unless you're ready to plunge into a pool of uncertainty to play the waiting game! And I can tell you it's not a fun game you want to get yourself into!

Truth and nothing but the truth?

This is kind of a part 2 of my previous post Cheating? Yes? No? Maybe? cos previously I rant about the boundary that defines cheating...like what would you consider cheating? A lie? A kiss? Emotional involvement? Or must it include pure sexual penetration to be categorized as cheating?....anyway I've concluded that just because there's no penetration doesn't mean it's not cheating and lying (about other women etc, not your simple "honey you don't look fat in this" kind of white lie) is just like cheating too (cos you think about it, if you cheat, you lie)...And 100% of the girls whom I talked to agree with me....So the conclusion is, men and women have very different definition of what cheating is and men usually think that cheating must involve penetration whereas women consider emotional involvement and lying as cheating.

Now come the next topic. If your boyfriend/girlfriend had a drunken one-night-stand that is a big mistake, would you rather know it? Or do you think ignorance is really bliss? In another words, would you rather your partner lie or withhold information and you happily carry on the relationship not knowing that he/she cheated or would you rather know it, get upset/hurt/angry and then decide whether you'd like to forgive and work on salvaging the damage? This is of course assuming that you're not dumping your partner and want to salvage the relationship....

BB said he would rather lie about it to save the relationship...OGT said the big picture is more important and if it's a genuine mistake, a lie is better....Ah Meow said she wants truth but then can't decide if she wants to know or not and later said she wants to know. Princess said lie. C-lee said she definitely wants to know cos they'll always say it's a mistake cos (verbatim) "He's not gonna bloody say oh yeahhh I waaaaaant herrr!" and C-lee said if he's done it once he would do it again and she doesn't believe it's just gonna be a one-off thing...

I initially said I want the truth to BB but actually, I'm now undecided...cos I can't make up my mind where my stand is. Cos having been cheated on so many times, I know how shitty the heart break feels, it literally feels like your heart being ripped out and the pain stays with you for months and it haunts you. You go through hell and it's something I wouldn't wish on my enemy. So yes, a part of me would prefer to have my heart intact if it really is a genuine mistake. BUT, there's this part of me who thinks that not knowing it feels as if I get conned into living a lie...only that it's one that I have no knowledge about...imagine finding out one day after having lived most of your life thinking that it's a clean record when it's in fact stained? So I really dunno...I'm seriously sitting on the fence on this one....What you don't know won't kill you but it might very well come back to bite you in the back on day...so..dunno....

I remember one incident many years back. It wasn't about me but it was about this couple I know who's also friends of my then-boyfriend. They're this pair of super staunch catholic who have been saving their virginity for marriage. The lady is a super gorgeous girl and the guy is cute and really very very decent and they were about to get married soon and on his stag night, he apparently went MIA and all the boys couldn't find him. The next day the guy called my ex to tell him that he left the pub with a china girl and they went to a hotel and had sex. He did it 5 times that night with her. My ex told me and we were both shell shocked cos if you know him, you would think he is the last person on earth who would cheat. And he didn't even use a condom! And that sordid affair happened another 2 times before he finally cut it off entirely. I was told that I couldn't breathe a word to the fiancee cos it would mean the relationship is over and it was "just a mistake".

I simply felt so sorry for the fiancee. Of course I never said a thing but I wouldn't want to be in her position too. They did get marry but I think she never found out about the sordid affair. Well, he said it's an honest mistake but I don't think so cos if it happened once, I could still call it a mistake but it happened another 2 times? That's out of the question. I dunno if they're still happily married cos I'm no longer in contact with them (so they're not reading my blog, don't worry), but if they are, I can't help but feel that their marriage is a sham cos they saved their virginity for 7 years (!!!Yes no joke!) for marriage but he had an affair and made the entire marriage and relationship a farce......I would rather be faced with a major heartbreak than live a life of lies...worse when there are other people who knew and she's in the dark....what would you choose? Truth or ignorance? How important is the truth really? What say you?

Cheating? Yes? No? Maybe?

Okay, I'm a laggard but I'm just in the middle of Season 2 of Dexter and Season 2 has got this super irritating Brit bitch named Lila who tried to steal Dexter from his girlfriend and last night, while watching the episode where they both ran away on a road trip without Dexter's girlfriend's knowledge, me and BB discussed whether that is considered cheating when they ran off, slept in the same bed, cuddled up but didn't have sex....but let me give you the proper scenario...

First the character...
Dexter: The serial killer who kills serial killer and in Season 2, he enrolled into Narcotics Anonymous (NA) kind of to cure his addiction (but to kill people in this case)....why NA? Cos there's not Serial Killer Anonymous so he pretended that he's a junkie...
Lila: The Brit bitch who looks a bit like a shemale in some angles and with too much fillers injected into her lips that her upper lip doesn't move when she talks...oh she's also Dexter's NA sponsor and she's aware of Dexter having a girlfriend and she still tries to get fresh with him...like kissing him on the lips to say good bye and taking off all her clothes to get into the shower in his presence

Now the scenario...
Okay, now Dexter's confused cos he's been feeling hollow and he kills for a thrill to feel alive. And Lila told him she'll help him feel again and started giving him advice on how to do it...the whole you "gotta figure out who you are and get in touch with your emotions shit"....then one day, Dexter found out that the guy who murdered his mother (right in front of him when he was 3) was alive and Lila suggested that they go find him and Dexter could face him and tell him he ruined his family and his life. So off they went on a road trip and Dexter didn't tell his girlfriend and lied that he was off for the night to do some stuff. Then Dexter and Lila had a joint room but the connecting door's open, the brit slut took off all her clothes and went into the shower while Dexter was on the phone with his gf. Dexter went out to find his mother's killer and then beat the crap out of him and he wanted to kill him. Well, he didn't in the end, went back to the hotel all upset and shattered and Brit bitch cuddled him to sleep and they were talking about stuff etc and getting very cozy....And of course Dexter didn't tell his gf he went off with the Brit Bitch....

So here's the question: Do you consider that cheating?

BB said it's wrong but it's not exactly cheating because there's no sex and Dexter left when the bitch stripped naked and that Dexter's confused and emotionally vulnerable

Princess said it's not cheating cos there's no "poke poke" (verbatim)...he said there's no sex, so it's not cheating

J said it's not cheating cos "they didn't fuck" and he is an emotional train wreck

C-lee & QQ said it's definitely cheating because he lied.

Ah Meow angrily said "OF COURSE it's cheating! Just because there's no penetration doesn't mean it's not cheating!" (ohhh well said ah meow!)

I said it is cheating! Why? Because Dexter lied to his gf, knew that the Brit Bitch has got something for him and was trying to get fresh with him (like kissing him on the lips and being all suggestive), but he still went to the road trip with her, knowing that he's in a committed relationship....not the mention Dexter lied to his gf...oh mind you, withholding information (ie. there's a girl with him on the road trip and that they were cuddling up) to me is considered lying...And yes, he's emotionally messed up and vulnerable but you can't get away with anything JUST BECAUSE you're emotionally distressed. It's not an excuse and you still have to be responsible for your action even when you're emotionally messed up.....So yes, it is cheating because lying is involved. Period.

So now it seems like the men seem to think that it's not cheating but all the woman folks I asked all consider it cheating....men vs women? It seems like men think that cheating must involve sexual penetration whereas us women view cheating in a more complete sense and regard emotional cheating as cheating (might actually be worse than physically cheating).....I dunno.....So do you think it's cheating?? Hmmm......

Cry Baby

When was the last time you cry? I did last night but it wasn't a bad thing cos it was more of a relief and release than the whole crazy upset crying episode. I was talking about some issue and then the pent up emotions just got released and my eyes started dehydrating. Okay, I'm rather useless cos I have very active tear ducts and I cry quite easily...sometimes at the wrong time.... Then BB being a typical man, freaked out despite my telling him it's not him and he didn't do anything wrong and I'm just talking to him about things. And he was like "oh you should stop crying" but I said no no, I need to cry it out cos it's pent up emotions.....

Sounds like a familiar girl vs boy thing! Guys just don't understand that we girls sometimes just need to cry...it's healthy for emotional well-being cos after crying, we feel relieved and we feel better. And it doesn't mean that we cry cos we're upset, depressed or in major distressed cos sometimes when I'm tired or overwhelmed, I cry too. It's a form of self-soothing...But I found the best way to explain to him why girls need to cry...I said: "Okay, you see, girls need to cry cos it's a release and we feel relieved and better after, just like how guys need to wank off sometimes to release, got it?"....yes, I think he got it!

PJ Surprise and other updates!

BB's a sweetheart! The other night, I walked out of the shower and saw BB laid my PJs on the bed and I thought aww sweet...

Okay, not exactly PJ cos it's just tank top and knickers

Then I looked closer and there's a little white box on top of the tank top....I thought why did he put the old Pandora box on it (cos he only got me a bead a couple of days ago)...and I went closer to find this!

Awwww it's a new bead! This time it's a silver with one a dangling heart! This really was a surprise! A very sweet one! Thank you BB! He's starting to really fill up my Pandora bracelet!

Anyway, I've been feeling really cranky...I think it's PMS....I hate it....cos whenever I get so irritable and cranky, I KNOW I'm feeling annoyed and irritable but then there doesn't seem to have a remedy for it and it's such a drag!!! Cos every little small things just set me off and I seem to be getting it worse this time and I wonder why....Any remedy to calm PMS irritability? I can't stand myself now...grrr....bloody hormones....

Oh yeah, today I bought this not very useful callous and dead skin remover for the feet...It's called Ped Egg and well, it kinda sucked!

I got it from Cold Storage and they have this TV advertorial going on and on about how it's soooo good and so gentle that it wouldn't even burst a balloon blah blah...so I bought one and try out cos I do have rough skin on my feet...and booo, it's not even that great and it's $22.90. It's not super expensive but I kinda feel cheated...and I used to have this dead skin remover I bought from the Takashimaya Shoe Department that was soooooo bloody good and it's like $26 bucks but I have no idea where I tossed it...I went back wanting to buy another one but I don't see them selling it anymore :( And now I don't think I'll use much of this Ped Egg thing...maybe it'll make a good cheese grater....gross I know....

BB's Back!

BB is finally back from his business trip! He was away for 2 weeks and I'm so happy that he's finally back cos it felt like forever! I didn't want to blog or tweet about it while he was away cos I'm afraid of jinxing it...how, I dunno...but then I always have the crazy fear that something would go wrong because things are so great between us. Right now even when I write and blog about it, I'm afraid of jinxing it. And I would go into paranoid mode like OMG what if the plane crashes (I have the fear of plane crash all the time!), or what if he runs off with some hot flight stewardess, or what if he turns gay overnight (though highly unlikely)? You get the drift...the whole insecure and paranoid thing?

A silly label BB made for me (bobo...damn now you know my pet name) after he bought a label maker...to me, it's so precious despite it's just a silly label...I keep it close...awww...(my friend Shawn would be thinking "this is so unlike Miss B, barf")

Anyway, thing is, I've never thought I would actually feel the separation anxiety so much. Before he left for his trip 2 weeks ago, I actually thought I would do fine and I was even looking forward to having the whole bed to myself so I can sleep like a star fish but then when he left, I felt totally off...like something's missing and he apparently felt the same way. In fact, the first night that I was alone, instead of relishing sleeping diagonally like a star fish in bed, I could not even sleep...and mind you, I'm someone who under normal circumstance, would NEVER be able to sleep properly with a person next to me....

The funny thing is both of BB and I used to be people who enjoy solitude and for me, in the past, when a then-boyfriend left for overseas trip, I felt a strange sense of relief which I couldn't explain and I totally enjoy the time alone and when the guy came back, I felt maladjusted. Is there such a thing as "reunion anxiety" if there's separation anxiety? But with BB, it's just different. We both said that his home-coming (yes, a bit dramatic despite that it's just been 2 weeks) felt like Christmas to both of us and we were both excited and thrilled as if it's some kind of festivity...yeah, that Christmas, New Year's Eve and CNY feeling that make you feel so excited cos you know good stuff (holiday and food) is ahead? That's how I felt...

Whatever happened to the time where I'm totally chilled and even happy that my partner is away?? I've changed I think...my friend Shawn (aka the "Aunty Magnet" lol) kept telling me that I've changed into a totally different person cos he told me before BB, I wasn't the kind who would wanna settle down with a guy or feel totally devoted to a boyfriend and I was always cynical about men (what to do? too many crash and burn episodes)...but since BB, he said I've changed into a completely opposite person....sickeningly in love.....not that I'm getting married now but I finally feel happy and settled in a proper relationship and I'm happy and thrilled to stick with BB for the long haul.

In fact, it's the first time in my whole life that I feel this way cos I've never felt this safe, settled and stable before....I guess it's a good thing and you know what? I'm trying to further break down the inner cynic and pessimist by actually blogging about it....cos I'm always afraid of jinxing something good cos you know how the moment you blog about it, something shit would happen? Like you'll break up, or he'd cheat or he'd fall out of love? That's always been something that deters me from talking much about BB cos I know I have lots to lose...but then maybe it's time to let go of the fear and move forward and feel okay to talk about it and be fearless for once! Now, that's a bloody big step for me....cos the last time I did something like that (by listing "in a relationship on Facebook), I crashed and burnt 2 weeks after...rats...so I'm really trying now...and I'm keeping my fingers crossed
!! :)

Anyway, BB got me a little something! A Pandora bead to add to my collection on my Pandora bracelet! Woot!

I love it! It's silver and gold combo and it's got a little gold heart in the middle! Haha...my first gold accented Pandora bead! :)

Body Language 101

Oh I found this really cool Body Language decoder post online and it tells you how to read a man's body language. Very very interesting. Click here to check it out. And it's really quite true on all the different things mentioned. It tells you how to spot someone who's potentially lying too! Very important to learn, girls! Cos I remember once upon a time when I was still stuck with Mr Asshole and I found a very long strand of hair which wasn't mine in his bed and he said it's the maid's hair and he got all defensive. I was trying to read his body language and he was obviously lying cos at that point, he wrapped himself in bed with blanket and his arms folded and he was avoiding eye contact while pretending to be upset that I was mistrusting him etc. Thing is, when someone's lying, they tend to put up a "barrier" through his/her body language and the example of Mr Asshole is such classic one (the blanket, the folded arms, the zero eye contact) that exhibited all the signs of him telling a lie.

On the positive note, the post also tells you how to spot tons of nice affirmative body language too! Like how if a guy tuck a stray hair off your face in public means he's genuinely affectionate and cares for you etc. So do read up and soak up the positive body language too! I've bookmarked it! I'm one lucky girl to be spotting a lot of positive body language these days! :)

Are you dating a cheater??

Well, I got a nasty blast from the past...couple of days ago, I found out that an ex of mine was cheating on me because a friend of mine knows someone whom he was cheating on too...talk about six degrees of separation...nah, make it 2 degrees! CLearly the other victim and I were comparing notes and boy, there's so much dirt from it! That guy's a total manwhore bad fish! Thing is, he wasn't just cheating on me with one person, I've concluded that he's probably whoring around, shagging the whole village and humping whatever that wears a skirt and you know what? I wasn't even surprised to find out that he was a cheater cos I think at the back of my head, I already knew cos I saw little tell tale signs but then he denied so vehemently, coming out with all sorts of excuses. I've never caught him red-handed....but then now, all those little signs made sooooo much sense! And so, I'm gonna list out all the signs that the guy you're dating might be a cheater....

Okay, to begin with, I must put in some background info. I wasn't living with him but I used to stay over his place every now and then, so these signs below apply to those who're not living together. It applies to those you're recently dating cos signs like a sudden increase in personal grooming habits as seen in those cheating bastards in a long relationship or marriage won't apply...So here you go for the signs...you ready?

Tell-tale Signs That Your Man Might Be A Cheating Manwhore:

• He's got new strange gifts and items at home...like a new soft or anything that a straight man wouldn't buy......at Mr Asshole's place, I found a sudden emergence of soft toy of the muppet "Animal". Both small miniature one and larger one. Knowing him, he'll never buy it himself and when I questioned how come he's got a new soft toy, he said his mom sent him and well I believed him....(given the fact that he was one of the miracle children that his mother popped out in her late 40s who used to be told she was infertile)....stupid me I know...
• He's got a lot of different toiletries in the bathroom....look, most men are very very practical and they'll only have one shower gel, one shampoo, one conditioner if he's more metrosexual, one facial wash, one body lotion if he's vain with dry skin, one face moisturizer and whatever that's basic....the key word is "the lack of variety"....you will not find a myraid of different brands for you to choose from and with Mr Asshole, he's got quite a nice collection....with a sudden appearance of new brands....ohhh, he even has a shower sponge...you know the girlie pouffy one? I should have known better
• He doesn't pick up your call for a prolonged period of time....why? Not because he's busy in a meeting, not because he's asleep but he's with another chick....
• He wouldn't pick up calls while you're with him....why? Booty call from another chick from the harem...
• He block you from his facebook wall and friend list....once upon a time, Mr Asshole suddenly had some skanky girl in bikini (profile picture) wrote on his wall "Oh I'm gonna miss you so so so so much! Sending you all my love!"...that's before he was about to fly off for 2 weeks....I questioned him and he said it's just some headhunter he met up and that girl was all over him and she's a nutter....not only did he subsequently delete those remarks, he also blocked me from seeing his wall activities and friend list....too much privacy=dodgy
• He has people sending him cards and notes....one night at Mr Asshole's place, I saw a card with hand written words "Miss you Baby X (X stands for his name)". He sneakily switched off the light with one hand while using the other hand to take the card away and tucked it somewhere. But me being as sharp as a samurai sword, I saw! I questioned him obviously, he said it's just some a very close friend overseas whom he helped and she wrote him a thank you note...she's like a sister blah blah blah....WTF? I was dumb....
• You see strands of hair in his bed that don't belong to you....nuff said right? I once fished out a very long strand of hair in his bed but guess what? He said it's the maid's and he even convincingly threw a fit about me being suspicious and not trusting him and shit about why I'm always suspicious etc...he deserves an Oscar....I mean an Oscar statue shoved up his arse hole that is
• Girl clothes would be quite an obvious sign but that I didn't encounter. My friend, on the other hand did...which brings me to the next point...
• He would so very religiously make you bring all your stuff back home cos why? So that the next girl who comes in won't see it. Mr Asshole would make sure I get ALL MY BELONGINGS with me after I stay over...
• There's more than one toothbrush and it's not in some masculine color....Mr Asshole said he bought those in a pack so they come in assorted color inclusive of girlie color and the other one is meant to be in the shower but one day after his shower, it dropped and he picked it up and put it next to the sink instead cos he didn't want to wet his feet after he dried off...cunning lies
• The spare bathroom has got toiletries.... men=minimal......straight men would probably only leave a hand soap in the other bathroom and toilet roll...hand towel if he's meticulous....Asshole's place has a full set of toiletries...like shower gel, Clairol Herbal Essence shampoo in some rose scent and what not...excuse?? Oh those are my mom's when she was here to visit
• If your intuition tells you that he's cheating....ALWAYS trust your own intuition! But I don't mean the psychotic PMS outburst...thing is, I kinda long suspected that he's a bad fish but I guess I was waiting for actual evidence...the other girl whom he was playing with/cheating on had exactly the same gut feel that he was cheating and guess what? We are both right! Never disregard a woman's intuition!

Ohhhhh one more point....If he's some banker from Standard Chartered Bank with the same family name as the world's most famous fictional vampire (the one that all the teenage girls are going gaga over...), then he IS a cheater! !00%!

How to tell if your man is a closet gay

The other day, Uncle Josh was reading my post on 10 Men You Don't Want To Meet and he said I left out one very important one and that's the Closet Gay! Oh but of course!!! How can I miss that out when I've dated one myself!!!! I dunno if it's my subconscious trying to block out that scary memory but yes, I've dated a closet gay! Well, last check, he still hasn't come out of the closet but along with a bunch of my gay pals who've met him, we're damn sure he's gay as hell but hasn't come out yet. But yes, Closet Gays are the ones you wouldn't wanna meet or date cos it's gonna go nowhere!

You see, you bond soooo well with him, you think he's the one cos you can finally find someone who'll go shopping with you! You tell yourself he's maybe just a wee bit effeminate but well, is he gay??? Or is he straight? Hmmm that you can never really tell can you? And what can you do if he keeps insisting he's straight right? Until perhaps he pulls the plug one day without any real reason or worse, you get a shocking "bedroom malfunction"...so here's some signs that the effeminate guy you're dating might be in fact, gay....

Signs that your man might be gay:

• He's kinda effemniate in his behaviour...yeah think excessive hand gestures etc......thing is, not ALL effeminate men are gay...but if he's got girly demeanour, it obviously increases the chances....a uni mate of mine (HL would know who I'm talking about..LOL) has got really girly demeanour but he's married with kids now....or is it that he still hasn't come out? hmm...but well, the closet gay I dated used to be a dancer....sigh....
• He enjoys going shopping with you.....and I don't mean just ACCOMPANYING you to shops...you see, most straight men will just oblige and they'll stand next to you (if you're lucky) waiting for you to browse...or if your man's like my dad, he'll probably stand outside of the shop looking impatient with a grumpy face...BUT if your man actually examines and chooses clothes (with the exception of lingerie that is) and shoes together with you, enjoying it (more than you at times), giving critics and advice, then yes, he might be gay....
• He has more shoes than you do....the closet gay I dated has more shoes than I do! In fact, he's got soooo many pairs that his room is full of shoe boxes....
• He's got a hell lot of skincare products...yes, with the advent of metrosexual men, many men these days don't use the same bar of soap they wash their armpits with to wash their face and many have the sense to slap on some basic moisturizer every now and then....but if your man has a full range of skincare ie. cleanser, toner, serum, moisturizer, eye cream, sunscreen, exfoliator, face mask, special treatment etc etc and they're not forced upon him by you? Then the red flag for his sexuality is raised for sure....most straight men can't deal with anything more then 3 steps without whinging and complaining....
• He has a lot of different man bags.....you see, men are kinda functional, they're not like women who'll match their bags according to their outfit...most men wouldn't have more than 3 bags. One sling, one backpack and one laptop bag....
• He's got a thing for tight tee shirt....yeah, the one I dated did...whereas straight men tend to be a bit hesitant about a tee shirt that's too fitting...BB refused to wear a beefy Uniqlo tee in the most flattering shade despite me swooning over his macho pecs underneath...he calls it the "gay shirt"....
• He actually does check out other men....and I don't mean the kind of normal looking when you're curious to see who enters the room but the type that actually suss out the person...I didn't notice my closet gay ex checking men out while we're erm...dating *cringe*...but when we hung out as friends after, I saw him checking out guys with lingering stares....I should have known, but what can I do when he kept saying that he's straight??
• He actually gushes at stuff you find "kawaii" and cute....not I don't mean cute puppies and all cos there're straight animal lovers who melt at the sight of a kawaii pooch...but I mean things like plush toys and what nots...you know, those silly little things that only girls like...
• He enjoys gossip! You see, we all love gossips, the more scandalous the better....for girls, we'll talk and talk and bitch and bitch about it to no end....a straight man would probably just listen to it, then comment, say a thing or two and then forget about it. Like recently, I was bitching about this fugly and gross couple with toe fetish (click here to see their blog)...Ah Meow and I were frantically looking at their puke-inducing entries while all my gay friends were checking every single post out to the point of cyberstalking. Then when I told BB, he simply wasn't that impressed. He only showed disgust at the toe sucking bit and didn't even ask for the blog site address....same goes for Ah Meow's straight bf....they're not that keen really...
• He experiments with his hair...no, I don't mean styling it slightly differently but really changing styles....Mr Closet Gay had really weird hair....and he thinks it's nice....and despite everyone telling him that he's got weird hair (a girl friend even said "Ewww...how come you have bangs?! Men having bangs???" once), he still insisted on keeping it...cos straight men would be too conscious if a bunch of people criticise about his hair....straight guys would change it...and they don't change their hairstyle that much really
• He's not the most touchy feely with you....cos he prefers alternative flesh of the non-fairer sex......
• You two have "bedroom malfunctions" and he doesn't really dig sex (with you obviously)....erm...that's kinda obvious...especially if the malfunction keeps happening "in the process" of coital activities...

So here you have it......but of course...these are just a guide and don't go freak out if one day your boyfriend decides to be real nice and take you go shopping....haha....

Blooming!

I'm showing off here. I received a gorgeous bouquet of purple roses last night from BB *scrrrream* and it's super gorgeous! And I've never received so much flowers in my entire life!

Pretty purple roses and pink carnations! It's got all my favorite colors!

Jazzing out my room...the peonies in the back are erm...fake...from Ikea.....

In fact, I can count with one hand and less than 5 fingers the number of times I got flowers before I met BB...pathetic I know. I remember receiving my very first bouquet (it was white lillies). I was still in uni when my then-bf rocked up to surprise me with a bunch of flowers after my yoga class....(yeah that was the happy times before he turned psychotic and mildly violent...scary)...but after that one time, I've never received anything! For years! Not from him again nor subsequent ex-es! And I would just see my friends or colleagues get bunches of pretty bouquents and I would get all green-eyed.

I waited...and waited...and waited...and still, no flowers! Then, the defense mechanism kicked in and I started to denounce flowers....100% sour grapes from concentrate but I just started saying how it's stupid to send and receive flowers cos the flowers die, that it's money wasted, that you're better off buying something that last blah blah blah....and I hate it even more when one Valentine's Day, every single girl in my department received a gorgeous bouquet from their beaus while mine did nothing......not that I believe in Valentine's Day cos it's silly but imagine all the colleagues around you (mind you, it's a very small office) were gushing and comparing bouquets and I had to pretend to be hard at work while they cast the "oh you poor pet!" look at me! Sigh....

But then things have changed and 2 months ago, I walked out of the shower to be greeted by a bunch of pretty red roses. I hung them upside down to dry them cos I wanted to preserve it for posterity cos it's been probably 5 years since I last got flowers and I want to be reminded of the fact that wow, I actually got flowers!! Then a couple of weeks past and one night, BB walked in with a big pretty bunch of Lillies completed with a brand new vase for me to put the flowers in! Wahhhh! The karma cheque must be cashing in now cos last night, these gorgeous purple roses!!!

I'm one lucky girl indeed! Only that I really need to learn how to graciously receive the flowers with gratitude cos I'm so not used to getting flowers that I feel overwhelmed every time I get a bouquet. I would naturally be over the moon with surprise but I would also feel indebted and feel the need to return a favor. I asked BB last night how do I make him feel really really appreciated for bringing me flowers and he said I just need to say "Thank you, I really appreciate it!"......that's it?? Really? I guess he just doesn't understand how big a deal it is for me to receive flowers.....now how I wish I know what little things to bring him....men are a lot harder to surprise with little things and I know that BB said a camera lens makes a really good "man gift" but erm...I kinda can't exactly afford it on a regular basis with the montly peanuts that get giro-ed into my bank account from work.......massage works but what else???? Cooking him a meal seems pathetic cos he cooks for me too....ideas anyone???

10 Men You Don't Want To Meet

I've been the official Agony Aunt for a bunch of my friends for awhile already and man, I'm a pretty damn good one who specialises in relationship and assholes issues. Why? Cos I've got really good track record of "crash n burn" and I've met endless assholes/jerks/losers/wankers and I've met enough of them to know what they'll do or the tricks people use in the dating games and so that gives me pretty good license to dish out relationship advice....The other day, I was talking to my girl friend about her romantic misadventure with a guy who seemed to be shopping around for a girlfriend while stringing her along and it sucks to know that nice girls like my friend were treated that way and I said to her that she must meet someone decent next and adopt a no rubbish and no assholes approach and suddenly, it dawns on me that I really should write a post about the kind of men you should avoid like the plague! So here you go....

Miss B's list of 10 Men You Don't Want To Meet

1. Mr I'm-not-over-my-ex
They come disguised as someone who's over their ex-es but they're not! And he doesn't even have to be just freshly out of a relationship cos I dated a guy during my uni days who was totally not over his ex despite they've broken up for some time already. Not only did he talk constantly about her, he even used to compare me with his ex and say stuff like "Oh she (the ex) would never do this" or "Oh she loves this color of nail polish too" (I still remember this very vividly...he said it while we were in Guardian Pharmacy....the one in Ang Mo Kio).....And stupidly, I put up with him for 1.5 year...it was the worst 1.5 year cos my self-esteem took such a bad beating after being compared to someone whom he was pining over......If you sense that he's not over his ex, leave.

2. Mr Jealous-possessive-and-bad-temper
It's normal to be jealous but extreme jealousy is bad news cos it means the guy's so insecure that he's got a bit of a psychotic edge. One guy I dated got so damn jealous when I went out for a drink with a guy friend whom I've introduced him to (to make him more comfortable...well, didn't work obviously). He made me go drinking with him the next day on an empty stomach. Naturally, being a loser drinker who once got a concussion from passing out with too much drink, I got tipsy after one drink on an empty stomach and I said I needed to go home cos I was feeling ill...jealous boy got so peeved that while driving home, he angrily jerked the car to a stop in the middle of the road on a hissy fit!!! WTF!? I got a whiplash and when I finally got home, I was puking and he pushed me to the toilet floor saying "How come you can drink with your guy friend but when you drink with me, one drink and you want to go home and now you're puking?"....WTF!!!!!!! So yes, no Mr. Jealous-and-bad-temper please!!!

3. Mr I-have-a-soft-spot-for-you-but-I-have-a-girlfriend/wife-whom-I'm-about-to-breakup-with
A mouthful I know....but yes, avoid these men cos until they really end their relationship with their girlfriend/wife/husband/boyfriend/others, you'll forever be waiting and no, they'll never leave the other woman cos they have a soft spot for them too. So you lose. Go find better.

4. Mr Fair Weather
Well, they only want to have a good time with you but once you start to have problems and issues, they bolt or they get nasty and don't want to talk about it and become unreasonable. They're a sweetheart as long as things are rosy, nice and dandy. But cue in problem, they bolt.......an ex-bf of mine was having exams and during his revision period of about a week (or was it 10 days? whatever), I fetched him dinner every night, going out of the way to some of the not-so-convenient places to buy his favorite food after work every night while patiently waited for his exam to be over so he could spend time with me. Then after his last paper, he called to say he's taking the bike to the workshop instead and won't spend any time with me. Naturally I was upset but the moment I got upset, READ: issue/problem, he got even more upset and unreasonable, saying I'm trying to ruin his day....nice...very nice....Oh...another fair weather guy was so damn devoted initially, needing to see me everyday and all but then I started having some problems at work that got me quite depressed. I told him about feeling really down and all and suddenly, he totally disappeared into thin air without so much of a proper "dumping process".....pfff....as long as you smile sweetly at him and not flare up or have any issues or complaint, you'll have a great relationship....works well if you're a robot

5. Mr Violent
Violence=Bad. 'Nuff said...but I feel sorry that some women can't break out of abusive relationship and also, abuse doesn't have to be just physical...it can be emotional too. That Mr I'm-not-over-my-ex I mentioned earlier was emotionally abusive too...he told me in my face that "Oh I'll never do more for you than I did for my ex"....how blatantly hurtful....and I was young and stupid and I put up with it....and it sucked when he was filling up lucky draw form for me and put his ex's birthday on the D.O.B....now if you put up with rubbish like that, you're letting yourself get emotionally abused....

6. Mr I'm-shopping-around-and-want-to-date-others-while-still-having-you-here
This is exactly what happened to my girl friend and happened to me too of course....the whole "I like you but I'm not sure and let's see how it goes but let's also see other people" thing is plain rubbish. If you have been dating for awhile and if you still wanna tell me that kinda stuff, well, then you obviously aren't that into me...move on, don't waste time.

7. Mr I'm-just-outta-relationship-and-don't-want-anything-serious
Okay, he just got his heart broken and is starting to date again and you're probably the first or second girl he's dating and he told you he's not really into anything serious but isn't gonna shun the idea of having a committed relationship if it goes well too. You know, the whole look-and-see approach? Well, I'm telling you, when you meet guys like that, run for the hills. Cos these men aren't ready at all for anything real. If you're after a good casual time without much commitment, then fine, but if you want a committed relationship? Next better player please! Cos they're just enjoying singlehood for now and not ready enough....

8. Mr Unsure/Unstable Career
He might not be jobless or anything extreme but it might be a case of whether he's gonna stay in the same country or take on any job that might impact the possibility of a relationship. It's true that men can't multi-task and they can only do and focus on one thing at a time. So if he focusing on making an important career decision and you're just starting to date him, well, then you gotta know that you'll never be his priority. His job is....and since you've just started dating, then chances are you won't be much of a deciding factor in his decision making....

9. Mr Lying Asshole
Well, it's really obvious but they can be so damn slick to make you fall head-over-heels in love with them....they tell you they miss you and you're the only one but actually they have a harem out there! And they'll never admit there's someone else and you never catch them red-handed or find evidence of them with someone else. He's a master of keeping all the girls out of sight of each other. They see you once every 2 weeks and once every week if you insist and look for them, otherwise, you're on rotational duty until he has gone through the rest of the girls and he finally calls you 2 months after you last met him....but they'll cleverly do just enough to keep you there in between, like texting you sweet nothings, or calling you just to say they miss you but they never pin down a proper day to have a proper date with you...everything's ad hoc....one advice: Run for the hills....they're very bad news

10. Mr I'm-so-in-love-with-myself
It's another word for selfish...they can be perfect in every sense, except that they're just too self-centered and self-obsessed and they do everything THEY want and never think about whether you want it or consider your needs...some men are like that. The type that'll give you the non-creamed side of the Oreo if you twist one open....one cheating bastard I dated is so selfish that when he picked up the laudry out of the washing machine to hang, he only took his and left mine in there....and he would not share his food with me etc. Men like that would never be able to really love you and should be destined to be alone....and you see one, you shun one....

So here you got it. Men to avoid!