And exactly what's so bad about me???

Insecurity....they're like some seriously bad flu....you get it every now and then, and you feel horrible, struggle with it and wait for it to go away or you do something to make it go away.

Lately, after the latest crash and burn saga with the Austrian hunky dory I dated, I got hit by this nasty flu. Big Time. It bruised my delicate pride and ego so much that I could feel my sense of self-assurance and confidence getting sucked out of my body. Feel-good factor hit rock bottom. Self-image went down the drain. Self-worth plumaged. *cue xanax and prozac*

But Why? Because he picked some skanky girl over me. Excuse me? A skanky girl? I would feel less upset and insulted if he scandaled with someone a wee bit more decent and with more class. But a skank?

To me, I'd rather not know who he had gone after but well, this time, I did and I could see who she is. So as what most people would do, I went into her blog and snooped at the chick who took my man and there...it robbed me of whatever confidence left..not because she's so damn great that I feel like a nobody next to her but because I really think he down-cheated.

I'm not saying this because of jealousy cos I'm pretty much over him and I have objective friends to vouch for my judgment, but the other girl is just...is just...not there...not adequate! She's cute yes but she hasn't got much substance. Bad tacky sense of fashion (typical skanky type), supposedly some English teacher but has bad grammar and English, bloody fake accent depending on the race of the man she dates, attention-seeking media whore, doesn't have much sense of a humor and doesn't have much taste in music and arts. And no, they didn't sleep together when I called it quit so you can't say that she's better in bed (I don't think it's much of an issue considering HIS "short-coming", literally)...

So now I really don't know why he chose her over me....yes my friends will tell me that he's got bad taste but then what happens when you genuinely thinks that you're a better catch but yet still feel bad and insecure? I wish there's a magic pill to make the bad lousy feeling go away...

I don't feel much of that these days but today, somehow I'm reminded of that feeling and at its full-fledge mode some weeks ago, it ate me up inside...but still, I fight it whenever it attacks me. Thankfully, I've regained my sense of balance and poise finally and I could feel my mojo seeping back in.

But somehow I had the last laugh cos guess what? The skanky girl dumped him and went back to her ex-boyfriend...perhaps there really is karma police after all.....or is there?