Two nights; Two movies

Friday night: The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

Saturday night: New York I love You

Friday...........

Actually, it should be Saturday wee hours since I caught The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus the Friday midnight slot and boy......what a time slot to watch the movie cos it's really like Dorian Gray tripping on acid. One look and you can tell the heavy Monty Python influence thanks to director Terry Gilliam but I walked out of the cinema not knowing exactly what to say about it...the accumulated fatigue from the insane week and ungodly hour obviously didn't help but this morning, after some deliberation, I've decided it's actually quite an awesome movie. I wouldn't suggest you watch the movie for the plot or storyline but watch it for the spectacular and stunning visual effects, the excellent cast and the last acting effort of my very much beloved and unfortunately very dead Heath Ledger. Of course the cameo of the smoking hot trio aka Johnny Depp, Colin Farrel and Jude Law really gives the movie an extra edge and a refreshing surprise.
To summarise, it's a fantasy movie with Dr Parnassus (played by Christopher Plummer) having a dirty deal with the devil Mr Nick (played by Tom Waits the singer...oh I LOVE HIM!) Dr P took the audience through his little world of imagination into the special mirror that exposes every human's deepest desire and setting them free from it. As nothing good would ever come out of dealing with the devil, the same goes for Dr P who in the end lost his bets with the devil.......I would bet you my Chanel bag and a box of Laduree macaroon that Gilliam wrote the script while under the influence of some serious Grade A acid washed down with a line of coke cos the whole movie has a dream-like quality of a good hallucination.
Heath's performance was superb as expected and somehow, I felt sad watching the movie because his death was indeed a great shame and I remember feeling incredibly sad the morning I knew of his passing. He died while the movie wasn't even half done and then Gilliam quickly cast the drool-worthy trio in. Gilliam's direction wasn't shabby at all.....and it's quite an interesting movie which will make you feel as if you're tripping on acid, not knowing what you'd expect next....I give it 3.5 stars out of 5...

Saturday......

 

New York I Love You had an insurmountable feat of filling a very very big shoe of its successor Paris Je'taime which happens to be one of my favorite movies...thing is, Ah Meow from work told me New York I Love You sucked big time and I was preparing for the worst when I walked in to the cinema...and I perhaps got to thank her for telling me that it sucked ass cos well, I was expecting worse. It didn't turn out to be half as bad as I thought though it by no means can measure up to Paris Je'taime....

For those who're not familiar, the movie's a montage of short films by 11 different directors and the stories all revolve around love with the Big Apple as the backdrop. Now it fell short to its successor because this film is meant to be an art house film but then you can literally see the "trying too hard to be artsy and non-hollywood" element in it. And some of the stories and the way it's shot and directed were a wee bit trite that makes you feel that this is indeed mainstream Hollywood pretending to be art house. The cinematography and directions are really typical Hollywood that's all commercial BUT, I absolutely applaud the segment directed by Shekhar Kapur...that to me, is the BEST film inside and it features Shia LaBeof as a hotel bell boy with a really bad limp from scoliosis and Shia did a pretty good performance and actually acted as opposed to his silly role in Transformer. Now I went from not liking him a lot to actually not liking him less....I hate to say this but I'm mildly impressed by his performance and well, congrats Shia, you're now a real actor in my book....Kapur's segment is so emotionally charged that I actually had tears in my eyes cos the sadness Shia LaBeouf and his costar Julie Christie portrayed was hauntingly poignant and I could literally feel it. The two feeding on each others' melancholy. It's absolutely beautiful

 Thing is, it's got a pretty decent cast of famous names but I wonder if that's the reason why I like it less cos the direction's already mainstream, the familiar collection of Hollywood mainstream faces makes it feel very commercial....Also, despite the fact that it tried to have a better flow of linking one story to the next, all the stories don't gel that well and you can tell the obvious attempt to make them sync and gel in. Paris Je'taime on the other hand had a very fragmented approach where you can really tell the end of one segment and the start of another but yet, they flow so seamlessly....

Overall, it's still a good film I would say and if I have never watched Paris Je'taime, I would probably love it even more. I like it but I'm not immensely impressed but I'll give it 3.5 stars out of 5 also. It's worth watching actually.....

Now a stupid frivolous note....I went to Mulberry to see the Alexa and I now have a very very serious itch that I have no idea if I would scratch...it's painful....arghhhh why must the Alexa be so nice!!!??? 

P.S...someone just asked me "You mean that Mr Nick in Dr Parnassus is a singer??? What the hell did he sing? I never heard of him" Here's your bit of education...that Mr Nick is Tom Waits and he's bloody good! He's a singer song-writer and click here to listen to my favorite Tom Waits' song Hold On.....he's got this very very rough nice voice...very soothing....the type you'll drink and smoke alone to...

Ladurée s’il vous plaît!!!!

Oh woe is me indeed! Who do I have to screw around with to get some Ladurée macaroons???? Oh what I would do to have some of these lovelies! Isn't it time for this tiny sunny island to have some gourmet Ladurée macaroons? Enough of the stinky durian cream puffs already (which I absolutely detest by the way), it's about time the locals get educated on the marvelous best macaroons in the whole universe!I.WANT.LADUREE,MACAROONS.NOW! It's taste bud orgasm! Lightly crunchy crust greets your teeth and then the rich luscious creamy center tantalises your tongue that later reduces to a nice chewy burst of flavor....it's love at first bite for me many years ago and mind you, I'm never the type who love sweet stuff cos I have a preference for savory.

Maybe it's about time I write to STB expounding on why this sunny island needs its very own Ladurée shop...maybe Club21's Christina Ong could bring them in or something...And these days, Ladurée sells really gorgeous merchandise and they have their own range of luxurious bath products with heavenly packaging and scents and I'm dying to get my little hands on them! Look at my lust list!

I'm really bummed that they don't have an online shop but I guess that's very french of them....Merde! Tres tres merde! Now I need to find ways to get someone to get them to moi! Time to call up my scouts in London! I think Front Row should really stock Ladurée products!  

Meanwhile, to satisfy my macaroon cravings....I have to settle with the ones from Canele which is a wee bit too sweet for my liking...hardly a replacement but what's a girl to do? Sigh....till my taste buds reunite with the lush exquisite Ladurée macaroons again.....woe is me!

I saw you with another CAT!!!!

Hello everybody! Meeeooww!
It's Mr Bond again and this time me fuming till I'm about to hit the roof and fur flying all over cos my minion's cheating on me! More pictures of her rendezvous with Duke Orange has surfaced! I've been suspecting her infidelity since I caught her looking at Duke's blog and twitter page, so I used my blueberry phone (cats use blueberry, better than blackberry) and called a PI and spied on my minion and MEEEOOOOW! God forbids, minion caught red-handed with Duke Orange!
Oh woe is me! How dare this stoooopid minion! She was carrying Duke! Stupid Duke! He's not even half as handsome as I am! Just because that stooopid ginger has got a blog my minion's swooning over him! I'm sooo offended!
Hmm...I must ask the other minion in Hong Kong aka Becks to start a blog and twitter account for me cos Mr Bond can't lose out to Duke Orh-leng! Hmmph! Meanwhile, me gonna poo and pee on minion's pillow...muahahah.....meeeeooooww

Excellent Lip Service

Those who know me would know that I'm a major lip balm ho'bag and would buy and try whatever new stuff that comes out...and my once baby, Ettusais, has released its new Lip Essence and Miss LipBalm Ho' gotta go buy it and buy it I did and well, not too bad....it comes in a tube (glossy) and there's another version in a stick (not that glossy) and I picked the glossy one at $31 a pop...the stick version's going at $26 I think

It promises to make your lips baby soft and cherry pink and supposedly boosts circulation. The packaging showed some lab studies on how the lips turned more pinkish with improved blood circulation after applying it for about 20 minutes or something. Promising. But the verdict? Well, it's moist and nice and not too waxy but I don't see my lips turning more pink after 20 minutes...but I guess it'll take more applications and prolonged use perhaps...hopefully that is....It's not the best lipbalm I've tried cos the best lipbalm is still Cle de Peau Beaute but that costs me a whopping $108 that I refuse to part with....So I guess for a $31 lip balm...the Ettusais Lip Essence isn't too shabby and worth a buy! Until I can armtwist someone to buy me the Cle de Peau lip balm that is.....any takers? (or suckers I mean...haha)

Aloha!

I was feeling crabby and crappy and this $6.90 cheapthrill Hawaiian Hello Kitty from Cheers actually perked me up and made me feel better. I think it's the whole hula skirt, lei and ukelele get up that gives me a pacifying effect and I'm reduced to my little childhood happy place fiddling with this tanned brown Aloha Kitty! It's rad! It's a globetrotter collection and since it warrants an IMH stay to buy the entire collection and collect every single one, I picked the Aloha version cos I love the tanned skin (I mean the tanned color...the word "skin" makes it very eerie since it's essentially plastic) and I have a brown limited edition Hawaiian Hello Kitty soft toy at home, completed with the whole hula skirt outfit no less! Hahaha...but this one's cool....

It's got a cool "travel diary" with proper pictures and story and little info about Hawaii...I think it's cool and clever (yes, for the kids I know...cut me some slack will you?) and you see that little yellow star on the kitty's ukelele? It's a little gadget. You press that star button and it face changes...and there're 4 different expressions!!!!

From left to right: bimbo-hee-hee-hee face, don't-fuck-with-me face, whatever-face and I'm-on-dope-with-dilated-pupils face

How cute is that? See...I totally forgot about what cheesed me off and now I'm in a good mood already...

Why so serious?

Couple of days ago my favorite figure skating couple Oksana Domnina and Maxim Shabalin put up an excellent ice dance routine which is possibly the best I've seen in the recent years and the best these Russian figure skating champion duo have put up ONLY to get slammed. Their crime? They put up a 3-minute ice dancing routine inspired by the Australian aborigine culture which supposedly bear a wrong portrayal of the aborigine culture.

Experts in Australia say that their movements and body decorations “bear no resemblance to that of the Aborigines’ 60,000 year old culture” and they find their performance offensive. Some slagged them saying their body paint looks like it's painted on by a 3-year-old but then are they really offensive? I say WHY SO SERIOUS? Fine, granted that their outfit doesn't look like the real aborigine get up but you can't expect the dude to be wearing a loin cloth and body paint in the freezing skating rink toting a digereedoo can you? You don't want falling loin cloth and flapping man bits!!! (loin cloth+freezing cold=ball shrinkage+cloth loosening&falling)

After all, their routine is ABORIGINE INSPIRED and they never claim to put up some authentic aborigine dance. These aborigine experts & elders should just take an herbal red bush chill pill....

That aside...their performance was BREATHTAKING!! Watch! It's impossibly captivating! Oh...I think my only complaint is that they actually look a bit like Christmas tree because of the red and green color combination...other than that, they're totally RAD!!!

Things Chinese Moms Say!

I was out on Saturday for work with some colleagues (well, they're the bosses actually, I'm the minion) and while in the car to Little India, one of my very lovely colleagues spoke to her son on the phone and she called him "Ah Pa" which, in the Indian culture (my colleague's Indian), is a respectful terms you use for men. So someone in the car asked why she calls her son "Ah Pa" and she said it's a more respectful way to call your son when they're grown up. So immediately, being Chinese and being so used to the typical fierce and scary Chinese mothers, a couple of us said "Huh? You have to call your kids with respectful names?" and she replied something that makes excellent sense. She said "Well then how else are you gonna teach them respect if you don't really respect them?"

 

Well said!!!! This is something you don't always see with Chinese parents, especially if the mom is Cantonese cos somehow the Chinese demand respect from their kids and actually enjoy calling their kids stupid names that shows parental dominance and let me come up with some common names (in various dialect phonetics) they call their kids, completed with translations that is...so here they are...

Mama B prefers to use a hair brush than wooden spoon and sorry, can't seem to find a picture of angry Chinese Mother that's as good as this
• Su-ooi Poh (Translation: "Bad-luck woman" in Cantonese...this is directly from Mama B...somehow it's an terms of endearment...don't ask me why)
• Say-lui Bao (Translation: "dead girl bun" in Cantonese....yeah, very Cantonese)
• Say-chai (Translation: "dead boy" in Cantonese...you hear this ALL THE TIME in Hong Kong)
• Si Kin Nah (Translation: "Dead children" in Hokkien...you hear this all the time)
• Poo-wah-peh Kia (Translation: "Fall sick kid" in Hokkien....this is rather harsh and people use it to scold people the hate in general, but I've heard this dad yelled this at his teenage son at some train station...)

Actually that's all I can think of for now...it's a Monday morning after all! Ohhh...hope my mom's not reading this or I'll get the "Hair Brush" from her...hahaha...I actually miss her heaps!

P.S. Scott contributed another one:

• Chou-mei (Translation: "smelly girl" in Mandarin...I haven't heard of it but he said all Chinese moms would call their daughters at some point...haha) 

Crack for Skin!

In one of my many moments of cheapthrill cravings, I made my pilgrimage to the land of all toiletries cheapthrill aka Watsons and I bought this: The NamerakaHonpo Milk Lotion

What started as a moment for fulfilling a cheapthrill habit has turned into a serendipitous discovery of a fantastic, FTW skin product that not only works wonders but costs little (only $19.90)! This stuff is GOOD. SUPERB. KICKASS. FUCK THE WORLD. AWESOME. FANTASTIC. This is crack for skin I tell you!

It's a non greasy, light textured moisturizer made with fermented extracts of organic soy beans and isoflavones to keep skin moisturized and firm. I use it after my Decleor face oil (cos I have very dry skin and you're supposed to use the oil first by the way since Chrissy asked me when to use the face oil) and I woke up the next morning with super moist and baby soft skin! So it's now the perfect partner with my Decleor Aromaessence Face Oil ! So this stuff works wonders and I have tried more expensive products that doesn't even deliver half the results of what this cheap and good moisturizer delivers. I'm gonna try its Essence W next!

Hair Dresser!

The other day I was chatting with a friend about childhood hairstyle and I suddenly remember my mom used to make my sister keep her hair real long, then she'll plaid it and then she would cut it off saying that it would be kept for her (my mom) to make a real human hair wig when she starts to bald with age. Then I suddenly remember there's this insane but also insanely gorgeous dress by Givenchy Fall ready-to-wear 2009 collection that is made of REAL HAIR! But then look how gorgeous it is!? Much as I would want to wear it, I do find it rather strange to be wearing someone else's hair as a dress....strange concept but well, I must say the dress looks really gorgeous though....what do you think?

So what's the washing instruction? Shampoo, lather, massage, rinse, condition and then blow dry? Wonder if I need to finish off with hair spray/wax and if I can change its color by using hair color! Or curl it or crimp it with tongs??? Ohhh the possibilities....

Words of Wisdom from an AA member

Some time back, probably in recent years and not 1000 years ago in Greece, a wise man said "If life gives you lemon, make lemonade"

Some time later and possibly a couple of tequila shots afterward, an even wiser man, aka Jason of my fellow Scorpio Council, said:
"If life throws you lemon, don't make lemonade lah! You grab some salt and vodka and then you make margaritas instead!"

Now we're talking! The AA turbo-charged version is so much sexier with extra oomph! A new twist indeed! Well said Jason, well said!

Ear Worm du jour

I've starved off writing music review for awhile and here you go! My current ear worm is Lightspeed Champion! The entire week, I'm listening nonstop to his new single Marlene (taken off his latest album Life is Sweet, Nice to meet you! which is to be release in 1 Feb 2010)...ohhh sooo catchy and it's my all time favorite from Lightspeed Champion! Click here to listen....I simply can't stop listening...

I first discovered Lightspeed Champion (real name is Devonte Hynes) in 2007 and after listening to Midnight Surprise, I'm hooked. He's good! Not only do I love his sound, I totally dig his MTV too cos he's got a pretty good sense of humor and loves to make fun of things and take the mickey out of himself. Nice! He's an American (born in Texas) composer, singer and songwriter who's raised in UK since age 2 (thus you can tell that he's got a very quintessential British Indie pop/rock sound) and he's worked with big names like The Chemical Brothers, Basement Jaxx and recently Florence and the Machine too. Not too shabby for a 24-year-old! He's absolutely rad!!

Miss B's Dating Decorum for Modern Day Self-Respecting Men

Still reeling from a mix of amusement, disgust and pity for the loser disappearing man who got so badly slammed by me, I thought I really should write a dating decorum guide for men. And who better to write it than Miss B?!! If I have the misfortune of attracting weird men with strange unattractive behaviors, then I might as well put it to good use and shed some light to the clueless men on what to do and what not to do while being on a date....My dating (mis)adventures have been a resourceful library for the ultimate dating decorum for me and no, I'm not being critical and mean cos I have a panel of objective peeps (you know who you guys are! Yes, OGT? Uncle Josh? Miss T? My fellow Scorpio Council?), both gay and straight to concur with me that those behaviors I'm about to list down are, in fact, big No Nos and serious Don'ts. And to make me sound less of a bitch, well, some of the stuff I'm about to list below actually came from a few of my ex-es, though not a lot fortunately...maybe about 2 of them...haha...So here goes...

Miss B's Dating Decorum for Modern Day Self-Respecting Men:

• Unless you have the face of Jude Law/Brad Pitt/George Clooney and body of Hugh Jackman in Wolverine, never attempt the sock with sandals look, even if they're from LV or Prada
• Do not wear a fanny pack. I repeat. Do NOT wear a fanny pack. This is not the 80s anymore
• Please trim fingernails and keep them clean without the black dirt trimmings. I don't care if you need your nails to play guitar but men with longish (note: not even long) nails=gross
• Smell good but don't douse the whole bottle of perfume cos it's corrosive to our eyes and nose, not to mention that you might catch fire if your dinner table has candles
• Don't try to impress girls on subject you don't really know cos it might backfire. During my uni years, I went out with a guy and at HMV's classical section, I was looking at Andrea Bocelli's albums and he said "Eeks, what's with this dude man? Trying to act cool by posing with his eyes closed in all his album! Stylo Milo meh?". Well, mister, Andrea's blind. Another time a guy trying to impress me on his knowledge (or lack thereof) on blues said "You know I really like that guitarist guy, damn good....his name just slipped my mind...you know that white guy?...geez...what's his name..oh yes, Jimi Hendrix" *Horror* Hendrix was black! Epic Failure
  
• FHM and Maxim are magazines. Not Books. So when asked what's your favorite book, say something sensible and intellectual...No-nos include: Anything Jane Austen (are you gay?), Chick Lits like P.S. I Love You (are you gay?), anything from the self-help section (full of issues?), Karma Sutra (sex pervert), PC guides (reeks of geeks), 42 Ways to Kill Hitler (seriously?), anything Warren Buffet (financial stuff=yawn, unless if you're dating a banker chick), The Twilight Series (it's okay to be closet but not okay to say you love it if you have a dick and are straight)
  
• Have a plan and know where you'd like to take us unless we have special request. Show us that you're the man around town and know all the cool places! Come on!
  
• If you haven't got much sense of humor and gift of the gab, then don't try too hard. Don't turn compliment into insult (click here for excellent illustration) and humor into offensive comments (a cocky guy once tried to be funny and asked "Geez, do you actually use your brain at work?")
• Offer to pay for the meal/drinks/movie ticket. Look, screw equality, you want to be a class act and looking at the bill mildly shocked or asking us to go Dutch is very secondary school. We want to date men, not stinky school boys who takes us to KFC and A&Ws
  
• Never question in our face why the food is so expensive. Class act remember? Class Act! A stingy guy I went out with brought me to Cedele and I just wanted soup and bread. And he whispered to me across the table and asked "How come the soup is so expensive here?".....now that's second class
  
• If you want to go to the date venue together with your date, go pick HER up and not ask her to get a cab and swing by. You've got the dick, we don't. Nuff said. It's okay to do that when you're a couple but on first date? NO. Ditto for going home. Send HER home and not ask her to drop you home. Well, a major ex of mine did that but I still dated him (READ: I'm not that big a bitch really)
• If somehow the mention or topic of past relationships come up, just say the gist like "Oh, we're too different and things don't work out" and don't bad mouth your ex and never turn the whole topic into a shrink session...I once went out with a guy who apparently just broke up with his ex and started pouring out his problems/issues/sorrow/anger/frustration blow by blow. You don't have to tell all and I'm not Aunt Agony. An aura of mystery is attractive, it keeps us wondering
• Phrases along the likes of "My mom irons my clothes", "Oh my mom bought my bed sheet" or "Mom buys my underwear" are likely to send us running for the hills
• Don't get drunk. A date of mine is seldom NOT inebriated...very disturbing...getting drunk all the time might signal bad sex in the future...too much alcohol, can't get up? can't perform?
  
• Be nice to waiters, cab driver and serving staff...a guy I once went out with during Uni days brought me to a roti prata joint and talked condescendingly to the waiter. He yelled "Ooi thambi, 3 egg prata one kosong!" *horror*
• When girls offer to share food, wait for the girl to pass you some and don't just go attack whatever on her plate/in her bowl like a bloody red neck. Once a guy and I went to the Rochor Beancurd place and I ordered tao huay while he ordered I can't remember what. I asked if he'd like some out of courtesy and he used the spoon, stretched his arm across the table, smashed up all my bean curd (horror!!!) and ate half the bowl. I said would you like some, not would you like to eat most of it
• Don't make the food "Gone in 60 Seconds". You're a man, not a hungry dog that hasn't been fed for 9 days
  
• If you don't have a fine singing voice. Don't sing. Someone I dated love to belt out tunes in his nasal voice. It's not easy to keep my goosebumps down with that kind of warbling really. Be kind
• Never say bad stuff about/insult our pets. Being manly/funny/macho/witty doesn't mean saying stuff like "I hate cats, I'm gonna kick yours when I see him!" or "I'll bring my dog to bite your cat to death" thinking it's funny because it is NOT and it will not get you far, let alone getting you laid
  
• And finally, if you don't wanna go on another date with the girl, do NOT do the disappearing act. You need social grace and there're many ways to turn people down very politely and cordially. Click here if you need help on that

P.S Miss T, who actually preferred to be known as Ah Meow, just reminded me to add one extra point and that is:

• Never wear white swimming trunks. ESPECIALLY if you're going to wakeboard and even MORE ESPECIALLY if you have skin tag as dick...

P.P.S I need to apologize to my lovely Dan that I forgot to mention his name under my "Panel".....Dan has been an irreplaceable member of my panel...the charming member of the Leaky Taps! Love you long time Danny Boy!

100% Loser, not from concentrate!

A fly just flew into my window and refuses to get out....
A little before lunch today, some random number texted me "This is gonna sound ridiculous--B!! Can we go out again? You can choose". Oh turned out that it's not random at all, only that it's the disappearing guy whom I had one date with, you  know, the one who snubbed me when I was nice enough to offer him free art movie tickets and not actually asked him out? Click here to read if you don't remember. What interesting sms conversation we've got....

Loser: This is gonna sound ridiculous--B! Can we go out again? You can choose.
B: Sorry, who's this?
Loser: You've already erased my name! Well that serves me right I guess.  It's none other than the disappearing date...(I'm fine if you have moved on, just thought I would reconnect and see what happens)
B: Ha wanker! Why do you even bother? You dateless now?
Loser: Hey, we only had one date! But I'm prepared to take your barbs because I did kinda disappear off the face of the earth...Anyway, how have you been?
B: Yes, precisely cos it's just one fucking date and I asked if you want free movie tickets and I didn't even ask you out but you actually snubbed me. Very nice social grace there. So what happened? You just got dumped?
Loser: I had to work something out which I have done now, but I was not dumped!
B: Ewww So? Or you dumped whoever and now looking for new prey? Why so desperate?
Loser: Hey who said anything about being desperate? Just wanted to say hi that's all and see how you were. I was kinda prepared for this and I deserve it...But you must give me a tiny itsy bitsy bit of credit for texting after so long...
B: Hey lollipop, you must have mistaken me for a sucker. Why don't you go suck on a slice of lemon instead?

Interesting no? But seriously, if this doesn't smell like desperate, I dunno what does....groveling for attention and date...how low can a man go? And honestly, if you are 38 and can't even handle graciously turning down free movie tickets and you had to do a disappearing act rudely instead of replying a simple "No thanks!", man, you've got serious issues!! Would it not be a bit delusional to think that I would actually want to go out with him again? Poster boy of delusion indeed! Last heard he's 38 years old but he's acting like his U.S shoe size.

Surrealist Meister

My artsy sister Becks was sending me some really cool web pages of illustrations and drawings, and much as I wanna trade and show her new stuff that I dig, I somehow always end up sending her the same site, despite having shown her for the 9 millionth time! I'm forever waxing lyrical about how I love surrealist painter Mark Ryden's work! He's really my all time favorite post-modernist surrealist master and I can't stop gushing about him every time I talk about paintings. I dig him even more than Salvador Dali who's hailed the father of all surrealist painters. I love Ryden's lighthearted yet deep, dark and twisted portray of unsettling circumstances. He uses cute illustration of plushy oh-so-kawaii pet animals against disturbing background which really brings out the unsettling quality quintessential to most surrealist paintings....this is one of my favorite painting he's got. It's named "Sweat"

This one is all cute but he's got other very awesome surrealist work too...

The Meat Show

Blood

The Tree Show (my favorite)

The Snow Yak (Ryden's latest work and see how cute the snow yak is!)

He's good with using a combination of dewy vixens, cuddly plush pets, alchemical symbols, religious emblems, primordial landscapes and slabs of meat to challenge his audience not necessarily with their own oddity but with the introduction of their soothing cultural familiarity into unsettling circumstances. I love his work cos there's this very strong sense of childlike honesty that invokes some sense of emotional relevance in me whenever I look at his work and this quality is precisely why he's been catapulted into the limelight in the 90s.

Mark Ryden

I adore his own self-portrait too...so quirky as if it's from another world. Mark Ryden was born in Medford Oregon. He received a BFA in 1987 from Art Center College of Design in Pasadena. He currently lives and works in Los Angeles where he paints slowly and happily amidst his countless collections of trinkets, statues, skeletons, books, paintings and antique toys. Now I wish I have all the money to collect his art pieces...but first, I would really want to go see his painting in a museum. His Snow Yak collection is currently showcased in Tokyo...if only someone's gonna take me there! Click here to check out his website

Pillow Talk

Hello people, it's me Mr Bond again...well, I'm a bit concerned that many of you readers out there think that I'm just a demanding handsome cat but hey, I'm not just a handsome face you know? I'm super nice to my minion too! I love my minion heaps but I love her even more when she feeds me treats and massages me. Every night I'll pillow talk with my minion and I even let her use me as a pillow or bolster. So I'm a super sweet loving kitty too. Don't believe? Here's the proof!

See how I lovingly turn around to look at minion to check if she's sleeping well (erm...and if she's taking up too much space on MY pillow too actually)? And see she's sleeping and smiling?...hmm...maybe she's posing for this I suspect! But how can anyone not be smiling while cuddling up to me? My soft fur and cushion of blubber's super good for cuddles! I'm the best!

My sister the artist!

It's Moan-day and I've been aggro the whole day and wanting to bash up people. It's one of those days where everything pisses me off and today being Monday doesn't help either. But just as I was feeling shitty, my lovely sister sent me something she drew and I had a good laugh! Here you go! Meet Miss Strawberry! The morbid yet matter-of-fact strawberry with a very dry sense of humor.......

 My guess is that the strawberry yogurt our cat in Hong Kong eats everyday inspired her to draw this. Ohhh this actually looks like an outfit Lady Gaga would wear!!

My baby sister Becks has just enrolled herself into a graphic design course in Hong Kong and I'm super excited for her cos she's always been artistically gifted! I, on the other hand, can't draw for nuts and Becks' been drawing great stuff ever since she's little! She's actually drawn even cooler stuff but I don't want to put it up on my blog yet cos it's so awesome and kick ass that I told her that it warrants a blog of its own! So I won't ruin it by debuting it cos it's so nice it needs a proper launch party! All I can say is that it's inspired by our gay cat Mr Bond! Hahaha....I'm so super proud of her! But I'm loving her Miss Strawberry! Super cool! I wanna print in on a t-shirt!

On Skin Tag

Conversation with OGT bitching about my very hot ex who cheated...down-cheated that is....

B: You know I really dunno why he down-cheated
OGT: Well, down-cheating is always about the ego...
B: Yes, but of all people, he down-cheated with a skank with no taste
OGT: Yeah, she's really very second class! She digs ugly 10 dollar plastic watch! And he digs her...
B: But he likes...
OGT: It's his loss...
B: Seriously, he's just a second class wrapped in a first class body...
B: He's just a meathead with no intellect
B: And he doesn't have dick
OGT: He got dick lah!
OGT: A very small one!
B: It's not even called a dick!
OGT: Then what????
B: It's called erm, a skin tag
OGT: Hahahahahhahahahhaha
B: Yeah, a skin tag
OGT: Hmmmmm....
B: You know the kind people develop on their skin when they get skin-to-skin abrasion? Then a little nub of skin came out and they would go remove it?
OGT: Hahahahahahahahahahaha

Smoking....new cigarettes?

What does this look like to you? It's my new cigarettes...and I bought 3 different flavors so I'm planning to smoke myself to death! NOT! Cos look closer and you'll see the names said Leo Tolstoy, Rudyard Kipling and Ernest Hemingway!!! In each of these neat cigarette boxes lies a book!!! See!

Out pops the miniature book!

See!! I'm smoking in culture! Inhaling literature! And these cool stuff is by TANKBOOKS and they essentially make miniature handy pack of classic titles in ciggie boxes and their tag line is "Tales to take your breath away"! Now this is extremely clever! And I'm so gonna bring them with me to my family trip to Chiang Mai next month! And guess what? I got them at a steal at only $2 a pop (used to be $23 bucks) at the Kinokuniya bargain alley in the Liang Court outlet after my weekly pilgrimage to the best udon in Singapore! Unfortunately, I only managed to get three titles (erm...I kinda bought all of them):

 
 

Left to right: The Man Who Would Be King, The Phantom Rickshaw, Black Jack by Rudyard Kipling, The Snows Of Kilimanjaro, The Undefeated by Ernest Hemingway,  and The Death of Ivan Llych, Father Sergius by Leo Tolstoy

How I wish I can find more to buy!!!! This is officially the coolest stuff I've ever bought with $2!!!

Happy Feet!

Haha..for once, I felt absolutely not guilty buying a pair of new shoes on Friday cos firstly, I needed it at that point cos the pair of shoes I was wearing hurt my feet so much that my toes were getting cramps, so it kinda justified that I needed a new pair so I can at least limp my way home. Secondly, it's guilt-free cos it's a pair of Toms Shoes because for every pair of shoes Toms sold, the company donates one pair to a child in need of a pair of shoes, so I was, in fact, doing charity too! So here's my pair of Toms!

TOMS Shoes was founded on a simple premise: With every pair you purchase, TOMS will give a pair of new shoes to a child in need. One for One. Using the purchasing power of individuals to benefit the greater good. In 2006 an American traveler, Blake Mycoskie, befriended children in Argentina and found they had no shoes to protect their feet. Wanting to help, he created TOMS Shoes, a company that would match every pair of shoes purchased with a pair of new shoes given to a child in need. One for One. Blake returned to Argentina with a group of family, friends and staff later that year with 10,000 pairs of shoes made possible by caring TOMS customers.

 

Most children in developing countries grow up barefoot. Whether at play, doing chores or just getting around, these children are at risk.Wearing shoes prevents feet from getting cuts and sores on unsafe roads and from contaminated soil. Not only are these injuries painful, they also are dangerous when wounds become infected. The leading cause of disease in developing countries is soil-transmitted parasites which penetrate the skin through open sores. Wearing shoes can prevent this and the risk of amputation.

Many times children can't attend school barefoot because shoes are a required part of their uniform. If they don't have shoes, they don't go to school. If they don't receive an education, they don't have the opportunity to realize their potential.

I absolutely salute someone with a philanthropic vision and now I super heart Toms cos it's so incredibly comfortable with very thick insoles to really support the feet and they're so lightweight too! I got the beige canvas color and I love the polka dots inside. I'm so tempted to get another pair really! Cos it's too comfy! I seriously think that everyone should just go buy one cos not only do you get a pair of nice super comfy shoes, you help a child in need too! Toms Shoes are available at Rockstar (Cineleisure Level 3) in Singapore and you can also visit Toms' website to learn more about their movement!

Happy Feet Indeed! And you know what? I think I'm gonna get another pair soon! We need more companies with a heart!!!!

The Orangeatron! Duke!

It's an insane Friday but the highlight of the day was Duke Orange the super cool office resident of The Big Red Button's office! This morning I had a meeting at the Big Red Button's office and I finally got to see, pat and cuddle the legendary ginger tabby who happens to be Singapore's top twittering cat! Meet Duke Orange!

This is Duke Orange with Howie the office minion. Duke said "Duke's side profile more handsome, take side profile"

My feeble attempt to capture Duke's attention. Duke said "Duke is think you need to love him right now! Duke handsome! Ohh Duke smells cat on you too but Duke sure Duke more handsome than yout kitty cat! And Duke tells your kitty cat 'Ooi, meow, yo mama so fat, she thinks she my mama!'"

Duke's so cool that he's got his very own blog. Click here to read all about him. And you can follow him here on twitter, add him as a friend on facebook here, and watch him on DUKECAM too!

Now I've got Duke's fur on my tee shirt and I'd better get them all off me before Mr Bond smells Duke and get pissed off and pee all over my place in revenge...haha...

Carnage in the Office

Symptoms: Head buzzing, ear ringing, heart racing, shallow breathing, adrenaline pumping, appetite dwindling, blood pressure rising, stomach churning, imaginary blood dripping down the forehead.....

Diagnosis: Insanity in the office: Plan strategic work plan and have it out with budget within 12 hours. One media event in 6 days' time which media invite should be out yesterday....

Treatment: Bottle of Tequila to be stocked under the table with various shot glasses and lime slices.

Me: J, I think we need to store a bottle of Tequila under the table and drink when we need to to deal with the madness. How about you go buy a bottle now?

J: How about I get a few cans of kerosene, pour it around the building and douse the rest all over and throw a lighted  match in?

Perfect!

Sign of old age?

SMS conversaton between me and Josh:

The bloody Senbei that chipped my tooth...mine's double the thickness god damn it, it was insanely tasty...grrrr

Me: I chipped my tooth yesterday eating some very hard and thick Japanese rice cracker! Damn it...fucking hell!
Josh: We're not spring chicken no more, must be more careful when eating solid food...hehe
Me: Fucking hell
Josh: Either that or chew chalk as snack henceforth strengthen your teeth..wahaha
Me: You're full of shit...don't laugh at me, you might chip your tooth
Josh: Puh-leeease, I know better. My friend chipped his. Crushed his molar on a piece of super hard caramelized danish. From then on I'm extra careful when the food's too hard
Me: Danish is a bit pathetic! At least mine's really hard! First time I ate it, it cut my gum and I bled! Now my tooth's chipped! Indeed, we're spring chicken no more!
Josh: Stick to baby food, you'll live longer...hahaha
Me: Bitch! So mean but so true....

Damn....I wonder if it's sign of aging....I'm not liking the sound of it....Gimme back my "Spring Chicken" days!

The Best Udon Money Can Buy!

Sunday is usually Udon Day! *slurp* And I know where to get the best udon money can buy in Singapore *slurp slurp* And you have to trust me because I absolutely heart udon and I've tried just way too many udon places in Singapore *slurp slurp slurp* And the best udon you can ever find is at Tsuru Tsuru Tei at the Liang Court Basement! *slurp slurp slurp slurp* And I had this a couple of hours ago!

It's Tanuki Udon with added Kitsune...super yummy!!! *slurp slurp slurp slurp slurp*

They have tons you can choose from but I'm a vegetarian so I stick to the veggie option. OGT and my sister, Becks, love the Katsu Udon but all their udons are simply rad!!! I first went there OMG, 10 years ago! And it's since been my favorite Udon place. I've really tried way too many udon places and even the really upmarket Japanese restaurants in Singapore don't make udon as good as this one! I went to Keyaki at Pan Pacific, Yoshida at Devonshire etc and they're not even anything close to this! So there, it's SERIOUSLY the best udon money can buy in Singapore!

And I also made a pitstop to Kinokuniya....it's a standard for me to go there and I got silly useless, well, relatively useless things....

  

See! It's the Kutisitanyanko's plaster (he looks 100% like Mr Bond) and I collect its stuff like stationary and all...I even have a furry bag...and that little brown leafy thing on the left is actually trimming stickers in the shape of leave vines...it's so nice! I have no use for it but I couldn't resist and I did pretty well considering I put back a lot of cute stuff and only bought 2 items...

One great movie, one favorite tee & three new knickers

I'm blown away. I'm smitten. I'm satisfied. I'm moved. I'm in love!
I had a great Saturday....I went to watch the Golden Horse Award Winner of Best Picture of 2009 with OGT. It's a Taiwanese movie called 不能沒有你 (Not without you) or  No Puedo Vivir Sin Ti and I'm totally blown away and I'm totally loving the film!

The gist: Father & daughter living in extreme poverty in the suburban Kaohsiung prefecture. Mom left and as the Father tried to register her daughter for school, he got shit from authority and was basically fucked around by the imbecile government policy. Ultimately, daughter was taken away by social welfare group and they were painfully separated...Okay, I won't elaborate more for those of you who might be catching it but it's actually based on a true story. There's also a very strong underlying political message to vent the Taiwanese's frustration for their imbecile government system too. That really shows through and my dear OGT pointed out that one of the super lousy "No Action Talk Only" legislator looked uncannily like the much-hated and once publicly bashed-up Chen Shui Bian...hahaha...Nice touch!



The Direction & Cinematography: Excellent! It's so damn good!!! It marries a great story-line with excellent art direction unlike last year's winner, also a Taiwanese movie Cape No.7, which was more commercialized. You can see the director Leon Dai's thoughtful use of camera angle to set the mood and his cinematography is so good and each and every single frame was so super well-shot that you can literally splash all the frames in Esplanade and each single frame can be its own picture perfect post card! It was that great! And the whole movie is in Black & White and it aptly sets the mood to the storyline. 


So yes, it's an absolute 5 stars movie!!! I was actually crying and tearing at some point and well, the couple sitting next to me were sniffling and that happened to quite a lot of people too! Catching an excellent film really made my day!!!!! I love Taiwanese Movies......thus far, this is now one of my 2 favorites and the other one is a much older film called 愛情來了 (Love Go Go!)! Check that out too if you have the chance...it's a bittersweet poignant movie about urban loneliness....


And oh, I was wearing my favorite John Lennon & Yoko Uno tee shirt from Topman yesterday and someone asked me to take a picture of it...so here...it's now my favorite  tee shirt!

Fav tee with Topshop Bodycon black skirt, Marc Jacob pendant watch, CCSkye chain necklace and my lovely lovely Mulberry Roxanne bag! Ohhh you got a peep of a corner of my room too!

Because the movie is somewhat depressing, I had to take a fag after the show....and then I went to get some cheap thrill to put myself back into the chirpy mood...and here are the super cute new knickers I got! Woot!

Okay, I have a thing and obsession with buying knickers...see the Saturday & Sunday embroidery words on the pink and red ones...cute!

There're two Day of the Week ones with Saturday and Sunday and a super cute polka dot one with a big red bow...I'm sure the other Miss B I know would love it...yes no, Bianca?

Tiger Douche Swings His Club Both Ways?

OMG OMG OMG! Was reading the tabloid and apparently mistress number dunno what (lost count), Loredana Jolie Ferriolo has landed herself a tell-all book on Tiger's erm, tigering ways and she apparently said that Tiger's got gay lovers too! And the book would talk about it...guess she's really milking it and making sure her book sells! Fact or fiction I wonder but bet we all wanna read about it! Hahaha....Suck on it Tiger!

A lovely email from a suave stranger

Email from Facebook from a random guy:

Dear B,

I came across your profile and I really like it. You seem like a really interesting person and I would love to get to know you more.

You know there're so many women who're so much more beautiful than you are for sure cos you're quite ordinary but you have charm and I like it.

Cheers,
Mr. Ugly-45-year-old-Sparse Comb-over with Greasy Face

Dear Mr. Ugly-45-year-old-Sparse Comb-over with Greasy Face,

How delightful it is to receive an email from you! I love your profile picture so much. Your desperate extreme side-parting comb-over really compliment your prune of a face so well! It brings out the your features really well, especially the sexy bovine snout that I find impossibly attractive! And do you work in the fashion industry? Cos your suave style is impeccable! Green shirt with orange tie is so this season! I think McQueen did something similar inspired by Bozo the Clown....very nice...

Oh and your use of language! Your email to me is insanely well-written that I'm so smitten...Thank you for pointing out that I'm a lot uglier than many women out there but I'm flattered my charm has won you over! Oh you, my prince charming! You with the sexy comb-over! I must have done something right in my previous life! I'm in luck!

Yours
Miss B

Words of Wisdom

Here's some, erm, "projected" words of wisdom that I think Confucius would have said and concurred....

Confucius said (I'm sure he's smart enough to say it): To avoid getting molested and boobie-groped publicly, never dance seductively with ABNNs

Yeah...the whole Siloso Beach molest case....Yesterday, I read in The NewPaper that DJ Daniel Ong had the bird's eye view to the whole incident cos he was on stage and he said that the whole fiasco lasted about 5 to 10 minutes cos the bloody men went over to the girl and danced seductively and she reciprocated and before you know it, the bloody assholes started groping her all over, slipping their hands into her bikinis (both top and bottom!!!!) and cornered her while everybody looked on, took pictures, shot video of it and did not help....Now the question is, Daniel Ong saw everything but yet HE DID NOT HELP either!!!! And don't give me the whole "Oh but I'm on stage and I shouldn't cause a commotion" rubbish cos seriously, someone ought to mop the floor with these bloody assholes' faces and bash them up till they're sorry that their mama gave birth to them....Told you the human race is a disgrace....nobody helps....what's new really?

Sleeping Cutie!

In Grey's Anatomy, when the interns and resident doctors get real stressed up and needed some positive distraction, they go to the delivery floor and look at cute new born sleeping babies....Right here, we haven't got the luxury of a delivery floor nor cute sleeping babies but I can walk 10 minutes in the sweltering hot sun and sweat like a pig to look at furry animals in a pet shop...and after having a really stressful morning yesterday, my colleague and I walked across and we saw these sleeping cuties!!!! Awwww

And these two!!

Look at the one inside the little egg shaped hide-out! It's sleeping on its back!

Honestly, I still maintain my standpoint that these furry rodents have better lives than I do, they get to play, sleep, eat, shit, fuck everyday without needing to work and make a living while I slog away in the office earning peanuts.......make me a rodent now!

Artist of the Week: Martina Topley-Bird

Okay, I haven't put up any music post for a bit and now I'd like to introduce one of my favorite vocalists Martina Topley-Bird (ok ok I do have a hell lot of erm, favorites)....She's a UK vocalist who first got noticed when she did the vocal works for trip hop veteran Tricky's first album (they were college friends) and she's been collaborating mostly with him until they fell out (they're rumoured to be dating after Tricky broke up with Bjork). After which, Martina started her own solo career and released her first solo album Quixotic in 2003 and her latest work is with another of my favorite trip hop group Massive Attack in 2009. She's got such lovely dreamy voice that's so soothing, airy and angelic...Her first album "Quixotic" pretty much describe her dreamy almost, surreal vocal quality...and it's a pity that she never got mainstream or gained much popularity...in UK, she's still doing okay in the Indie scene

Martina's debut album...yes, the one I paid $48 bucks to import in...damn it

In fact, she's so little known that when I first know about her in 2004, I went to HMV to look for Quixotic and they don't even have it listed there. I had to order it in and pay like 48 bucks for it. Ouch...and ever since my first order, they started getting her albums in...damn it...My all time favorite song from her is Lullaby, taken off her first album Quixotic...click here to listen to it....oh sooooo dreamy....it goes perfectly with the new frock I'm wearing--a frilly vintage looking navy blue frock with little kitsch prints of ponies...teamed with my favorite Mulberry Bayswater in oak brown.....yay, going to collect a dress tonight...internet purchase...I don't understand why they can't just pop it at my door cos nobody steals my mail at my place anyway! Such hassle! Ohhhh woe is meeeeeee! Anyway, check out the rest of Martina's songs on youtube too! Oh check this out too....it's Baby Blue from her third album The Blue God....click here to listen....retro...again...goes with my vintage looking frock...

P.S Ohhhh one more you have to listen to! It's called Sand Paper Kisses....click here...the kind of moody dark broody music I totally dig....good to make out to...hahaha...baby-making music...woot!

How True!

I chanced upon another freaking excellent quote while reading What French Women Know by Debra Ollivier....here goes...

"Love is blind but hindsight is 20/20"  --  Debra Ollivier

Brilliant isn't it? Can't be any true...if only we have special glasses prescribed when we're in love....

P.S I don't love you....but I'm indeed rather bored and uninspired being back at work....and I desperately need a muse....