Lessons in Love

Note to self on the matter of the heart....lessons from both personal and friends' experiences....

• Your happiness is the most important thing. In love and in life alike. If you're not happy, it's not working out.
• You can totally love someone but if the person makes you miserable, it's not working out. Being in love or loving someone isn't an excuse to be unhappy or put up with shitty things.
• NEVER settle for less. If you don't feel 100%, forget it. Don't string people along.
• Be with someone who wants to be with you wholeheartedly, not some booty call douche or "string-er" who's buying time to get someone better
• Often, it's all about being at the right place, at the right time with the right person. Sometimes, it really isn't you but the timing and the person. Be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself over it.
• ALWAYS keep your dignity and pride even in the event of a heartbreak, never grovel because you don't want someone who doesn't want you.
• Sometimes, there simply aren't any answers to whys and hows. Let go if you can't find out. Don't dwell.
• You either love the person or you don't. Sometimes you don't get to choose who you love, so listen to your heart.
• Never get involved with a married person. It will not end well. And never be the 3rd party. 
• Breakups and heartbreaks suck, but you'll be okay. Ride it out like a bad bad flu. You feel like dying initially but slowly that, too, will pass.
• Don't agree to staying as friends with an ex because your pride tells you to. Pride isn't about putting up a brave front to make the ex feel that you're cool. It's about knowing what's best for you and that includes telling the person you need to cut him/her out.
• Never put up with or tolerate abuse of any kind, be it physical or emotional. You're too precious for that.
• Never change anything about yourself for someone, you're lovely as you are and should be loved for who you are. Never let the other person tell you you're not good enough.
• Be honest and faithful in a relationship. Don't cheat. Karma will always come back to bite you in the ass
• People and friends will always give you advice and make comments but only YOU know what's best. Always follow your heart and do things YOUR way, not what other people say or based on consensus
• Choose the good ones. If you know the person is bad news from day one, don't go there. Save yourself the heart ache and pain.
• Sometimes, an ex is an ex for a reason and there's no point keeping them in your life if they're just not a real friend. Axe out the toxic people.
• "I love you" should be about "You"ie the person and not about how loving the person makes YOU feel ie the "I" part. If it's about "I", it won't last
• "Forever" is a stupid concept. 
• It's never just about feelings cos that, too, will pass. Some days you'll wake up not feeling much but relationship is a long-term commitment and you go through days and periods where you don't feel up for it. If you're serious, you persist and stick to it and realize it's about companionship and the deeper sense of love. Not those fleeting honeymoon kind of lovey dovey feeling.
• Never jump in blindly. Be very careful with who you give your heart to. It's YOUR heart that's at stake. Take some time to know the person.
• Trust is to be earned
• Take it with a BIG pinch of salt if someone tells you "I Love You" too soon. It's likely to be that rush of heady honeymoon love that would eventually fade away. Real love takes time to develop.
• Be happy on your own before you start a relationship with anyone. You want to "want" the person and not "need" the person for healthy co-dependency
• It's better to be alone and single than be in something that's not working. You can't force things to happen. Know when to let go. 
• There really are a lot of other fishes out there. Just have to be patient. Good things come to those who are patient.
• Last but not least and corny as it is, Love yourself! YOU are the most important thing ever. If there's no "YOU", there's no "US", no "WE". Get the basic right.