Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Sleepless in Singapore
This is not good. It really is happening! For the first time ever in my life, I'm plagued by the curse of Insomnia! What used to be something only my friends experience is now happening to me. Laying wide awake in my Egyptian cotton sheets at 4am can do crazy stuff to your head and I finally understand how it could drive someone to complete insanity. Finally, I believe the people whom I once felt were simply suicidal when they went to the A&E with an overdose of sleeping pills saying they OD "out of frustration" cos they "couldn't sleep". Not that I've OD on sleeping pills cos I haven't got any but I popped 3 tablets heavy melantonin consecutively in an hour (something that's not advisable), only to find myself still alert like an overprotective hawk guarding its nest of babies.
Work is to blame for my insomnia! For sure. Because I got it when I was due back at work today and last night, I was chanting the Green Tara Mantra nonstop for some zen effect till 4am hoping to fall asleep but the insomnia so dire that even Green Tara's divinity couldn't send me to lala land. A week ago, it was a totally different story with me sleeping sound like a baby while I was in Hong Kong on a break. So yes, it is work. No doubt about it.
The ordeal started about a month ago when work was insane. The whole new job with better package thing. But well there's no free lunch with more responsibility being part of the package. Long hours means I go home late, void of any mental space and time to wind down before I hit the sack and voila! I joined the dreadful Insomnia Club.
At its worst, I had work jargon flying all around my head the moment I closed my eyes. I would wanna slap anyone who asked me to "Just relaxxxx!" because if I could switch off my mind, I wouldn't be in this mess. The mind simply couldn't switched off even with crazy yoga session that exhausted the body in the hope of some decent shut eye. I turned into a miserable grumpy sod who's angry with every single damn shit. You know the type of grumpy old hag with a couple of plastic bags in hand, messy hair and blotchy make up on the bus yelling at everyone and angry at the world? That was me, the sleep deprived me.Yes, that bad because I felt like slapping every crying baby I see, cute or otherwise, and scratching out the eyes of whoever came and tell me he/she was so busy and overworked.
Now that I'm back in Singapore after an amazing time with my family and a week of sleeping like the dead despite the bad pillows, the freaking Insom-fucking-nia is back. I blame it on being homesick and dreading to go back to work. But ultimately, it boils down to work still. It got me wondering how it would be if I had an easier job with less responsibility. Say, being a secretary who works strictly 9 to 6 Monday to Friday, or a sales girl in some chi-chi boutique at Palais Renaissance that closes at 7pm and Sunday. Something along that line.
During one of my many sleepless nights and loathing sessions of my new responsibility at work, I thought of my one-time foot reflexologist with a bald head at this new foot rub place. He was good and gave some pretty decent foot rub, but the second time I went back, he wasn't there anymore. Apparently, he comes and goes because he'll go off when he makes enough money and comes back when he needs to make some more money. My initial response in my head was "Oh so he's one of those slackers who doesn't work enough".
Funny how a perception can change in weeks, if not days. After my struggle with insomnia and a crazy job that leaves me with an inhumanely tiny amount of personal time, I'm starting to think that my baldie foot reflexologist might be on to something good. Quality of life over quantity in the bank account or material possessions. That could very well be the new zen to a happy existence. BUT, can I do what he does? Well, that would require another night of insomnia to think through, but at this moment, I'm guessing no.
So here I am, the living testament to the theory that after your happiness index plummets when you get a pay raise and hit a certain pay. Double screw it as I wasn't even there yet! I merely got a better package, not some ridiculously fantastic one, and already, my happiness index went down the gutter. It really got me wondering if it's really all worth it. I'd better find a way to deal with insomnia sans Valium. Meanwhile, perhaps it's time for me to make a cup of sleeping aid herbal tea and visit the foot reflexologist to get some zen tips for a restful night. Well, wish me luck!
Image from http://www.insomniacurestreatment.com/