Jabba The Hutt Menopausing????

I hate Jabba The Hutt and I think Jabba's entering Menopause.

Well actually I'm not quite refering to the fat green slimy slug who forced a gold bikini on Princess Leia. The one I hate happens to be the planet Earth, real-life, frizzied-hair resemblance who is female in gender, sits across my office room and just as obnoxious and with a backside as big as her Star War counterpart.

Just that the Jabba I know is worse.
She shouted on the phone screaming that I'm a selfish bitch for wanting to go home cos I have the misfortune of having a leaky arsehole situation called Gastric flu that sprays, yes, it sprays, the toilet bowl brown with "scatter bomb" (aka liquid poo) every two hours.

I was the only bitch in the 4-women office cos it's one of those freaky Mondays where everyone fell sick (or are they really? hmmm...). Jabba The Hutt said she's too tired to work and need to take urgent leave to rest her slimy little fat trunk whereas my boss just sort of went AWOL.

I tried to make it to the office cos I know the French assholes from my headquarters are watching and we couldn't afford to leave the office unattended and risk our livers getting pan-fried into perfection, French foie gras style.

But as I tried to stay in the office, the god-damn "scatter bombs" in my guts went berserk, exploding out of my already burning and rotting butthole and my intestines felt as if they're about to rapture anytime. No amount of online game can distract me from my predicament cos I didn't even dare to fart for the fear of misfiring.

I had no choice but to head to the doctor and I sent out SOS message to both Jabba and my boss. Boss said she would come in and cover the afternoon for me and Jabba said I'm a fucking selfish bitch.

Jabba said if I'm well enough to make it to the office, why can't I just stay there to cover for them and how come I'm so selfish to want to go home and make either one of them come back to the office. Well if anyone's to follow that logic, then nobody should head to the hospital if he has a heart attack in the office and he happens to be the only one in the office cos he's supposed to man the office for that day. And pregnant woman who happen to be solo in the office should just give birth in the office if she goes into labor then???!!! Ha...good luck with the umbilical cord!

She said I'm behaving like a spoilt kid for wanting to go home becos I'm sick. Oh but but but...wait a minute....I'm in the office and she's at home...who's saying who's selfish again?????? And correct me if the diarrhea fluid shit has gone the wrong way and spray up my brain and screw up my memory, but did Jabba say she's on leave cos she's JUST TOO TIRED to work????? FYI, I'm fucking tired every morning I get off the bed too!

Jabba Jabba Jabba, I have a legitimate medical certificate from the company's doctor and YOU DON'T!

Oh Jabba Jabba Jabba, how come you volunteer to come back even when you know our boss was already coming back?? Feeling guilty for faking ill???

Seriously, why must unhappy bitches like Jabba The Hutt rub off their bad vibes on others???? What's more despicable is taking a shit at someone who's having a sore butthole that sprays liquid poo.

The only explanation for Jabba's insanity is perhaps that she's entering menopause cos after all, she's in her 40s.....Perhaps I should get her a vibrator, a double headed delux pearl-filled one...or maybe a young teenage boy in golden swimming trunk with a chain attached to his neck might just do the trick too....