Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Men, Cheating & Prostitution

Last week during a photoshoot, I was chatting with photographer, Ken, and the topic of men and their cheating ways came about. He basically said that men are programmed to cheat and they will if they can. Not the first time I heard this but it's just ever so disturbing whenever I hear it from yet another straight man who thinks that cheating is in fact, in a men's nature and biological make-up. The need to spread their "seeds" as wide and as much as they can is always the favorite number one "reasoning". Blame it on revolution and go ask Uncle Darwin and he would tell you the same thing. Ken said women should just understand and close one eye and know that just because your husband or boyfriend is poking his wiener into another woman's vajayjay for pleasure doesn't means he loves you less. Again, it isn't the first time someone told me that cos long ago, a friend David said that how well a marriage works depends on how tolerant the wife is when it comes to the hubby's philandering ways.

It's very tragic and much as most women I know would curse and swear at the above mentioned statements, they all know that what Ken and David said is kinda true to some extent. Yes, there'll always be the really faithful men but those are quite a rare breed these days apparently. Personally, I know more than a handful of guy friends who are cheating, have cheated or will be fine cheating on their girlfriends and wives. And yes, some women are also guilty of cheating but generally, you hear stories of men cheating more than that of women cheating. And whenever I say that men tend to cheat more than women, my straight guy friends will be quick to defend their own gender and say that women cheat too but hey, if you can use the evolutionary need to "spread your seed" as an excuse to cheat and blame it on biology, then well, you have just made your point that men DO tend to cheat.

So I told Ken that it sucks cos women are in the losing end and in my next life, I would wanna be a rich smart handsome man so I can have lots of girls and Ken said:

"See!!! That's precisely the point! If you're the man, even you yourself said you would wanna cheat! So you and all the women folk out there ought to understand us men cos it's just the way we're wired"

I was lost at words...and he then followed to tell me something more disturbing...he thinks that philandering men who don't cheat with a prostitute are stupid. I gasped in horror and he explained:

"You see, you think prostitution is bad but it's really the easiest and the smartest way cos you spend the money, you get laid and have your fun. If you're going to a club to score a girl, you gotta woo and buy drinks and sometimes you don't even get lucky. Then, if you get lucky, she might turn out to be some crazy psycho who wants more and would call you while you're with the wife or the girlfriend so you're screwed. And if it's the one-night-stand kind of girl, you don't know if she's got some STD and condom isn't fool-proofed and then what if she gives you trouble and cries rape the next day like the recent case in Zouk? Then you're double screwed! If you go to a prostitute, she can't cry rape, you can choose who exactly you want, you spend the money and you're guaranteed to get laid and they have to constantly go for health checks. Isn't it easier? Now you see the point?"

Shit....why the fuck does this make sense? I hate to admit but yes, it actually has some sound reasoning to it....not good! Cos what if like me, you're one of those women folks out there who simply can't tolerate cheating? So is that to say we're doomed for heartbreak?

Now, Sophion the make up guru joined in the discussion and agreed that women simply gotta close an eye. So I brought up what I thought was the ultimate weapon. TRUE LOVE. I said whatever happens to true love?? If you love your wife or girlfriend, aren't you supposed to not do rubbish like that like cheating? Sophion then said:

"Darling, true love only lasts a certain time for as long as you're still in your honeymoon and are aren't bored with the person okay?"

Oh no....again, from the stories I know of and some personal experience, yes, sometimes love goes away and Scotty has so rightly pointed out that very often, material things last longer than love. Now I dunno what to think....it seems like maybe my whole concept of monogamous loving relationship isn't realistic? That's quite a scary thing...or is this "close an eye" approach a new norm and the better way to go? I really don't quite know and I'm not exactly sure what to expect or what is acceptable. It's all so convoluted that I think I decided to just go shoe shopping instead....


Tiffany said...

what if your husband watch porn, how will u response? the fact is emotional cheating is also potentially damaging though i might look safe to others without "surfacing harm"..

B said...

I don't think porn is an issue unless he's like obsessed with it. All men watch them, so it's really nothing and I would be curious what he's watching so let's watch together and have sexy time I say! Hehehe...

But yes, emotional cheating is in a way worse. Two ways to look at it. Some women couldn't stand physical cheating and they'll feel disgusted knowing their hubby or bf slept with someone else. But then a couple of girl friends of mine had issues with their bfs who actually had feelings for someone else. One of my friend's bf started feeling more for his colleagues and they hung out a bit more than usual and he dropped her home a lot. My gf knew about it but he decided to detach himself and now they're ok. My gf told me that if he had slept with the colleague, she would have just walked out.

So come to think of it, if the guy can stop himself emotionally and pull back and work through it, then I guess it's fine cos he kind of "fixes" the problem and in a way it can be undone. But physical cheating can't be undone. You know what I mean?

Either way, both are bad and I can't exactly tell you which one is worse cos I think it all depends on the situation really.

Tiffany said...

yes, the fact is we never be able to decipher what's inside everyone mind so long he remains faithful, loyal and committed, that should really be fine. like even my husband google at a pretty girl with gorgeous body walking by and thought of ah hem ah hem with her (innate, men instinct as you call it) but quickly slap himself awake that is really fine..afterall in your post, u mentioned men is genetically hard wired to be like this but if he knows his limits well, the rest we shouldn't bother too much and spoilt a supposedly happy relationship. afterall, all men sin; emotionally straying is a prelude warning before phyiscally straying so he better wake up the idea fast
by the way, are u a model? u mentioned u are in a shooting location with stylish and fashion people maybe in their industry, they met more frivolous people hence their thoughts on more men stray skewed? since u know fashion , modelling industry is more prone to sexual attraction, in a way...

B said...

Men will never stop looking. It's normal and even I look at girls who're hot. I mean we all love to look at beautiful things. But I guess it's normal to perhaps have a bit of fantasy now and then but acting it out is a different thing. And yes, grown up mature men would know where to draw the line.

No, not a model!!! I'm just there to supervise the shoot...something like a creative director of sort though I'm not one. But something like that.


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