Social Detox

About a year ago, I cut all ties from a friend whom I've known since I was 14 and she's tried adding me on facebook a couple of times but I rejected both attempts (though she followed me on twitter at one point). A mutual friend asked why I didn't attend her wedding and how come I don't talk to her anymore but I said nothing cos it's such a long story. Apart from the ubiquitous story of friends growing apart and becoming too different as we grow to develop into the person we are now, a main reason of me cutting ties is because she's what I call a "toxic friend" or a "downer". I'm blogging about it because I was reminded of her some days ago and thought maybe it's a good idea so those (my mom included and they probably think that I'm a bloody bitch for not talking to her) who're wondering why I no longer contact her would get an idea of what really happened. But because it's such a long and complicated story, I'm just gonna put down in point form some of the deal breakers that rendered her toxic....

• When she went to Australia to study, she went with her then boyfriend and totally disappeared for 2 (or was it 3?) years without so much of an email and I tried contacting her but she only replied me once and then she went MIA. And we were really close before as we've gone through bad patches together (though mainly hers cos she was having issues with some boy then), but she disappeared. Upsetting but fine. Then 3 years later, she SUDDENLY appeared at my door steps literally cos well she's back and guess what? She broke up with the boyfriend....I didn't turn her away of course and despite being rather miffed about her MIA stunts, I was kinda glad to reconnect
• She met a new guy and moved in with him, leaving her dog at home for her mom to take care of. Her mom didn't like the idea of a dog to begin with and my friend didn't even go home much cos she didn't get along with her family. It's the same as abandoning her dog and being a pet owner, I totally disagree with that and one day, she called me crying saying her mom put up the dog for adoption and had already sent the dog away....seriously, why cry now? and what's the big fuss when you don't even care to begin with? I was put off but nevertheless, I stuck around...and guess what? She adopted a new cat soon after that...and I wonder if the cat is still around now...
• She did lots of stunt to attract attention. Yes, people do that sometimes but she put me in a worrying position all the time and it's bloody selfish. Once she texted to say she's having problem with her boyfriend and was so upset she's breaking down and drinking herself silly at a pub. I immediately called her after I got her sms and guess what? She cut my call and when I texted her saying I would come down to pick her up in a cab and then send her back, she didn't reply me. I worriedly took a cab down to where she said she was and went into a couple of pubs looking for her and I didn't even know which pub she was in (I only knew she was supposedly at some pub below her office and I know where she worked). And of course I found no sign of her. I didn't even tell her I went looking for her cos I felt like a bloody moron when I later found out she's gone home.
• She made me call her boyfriend to solve their issues...I hate the fact that I had to be involved and dragged into their drama and many times I rushed to her when she needed me around but then she would do lots of attention seeking stunts like running away and then the boyfriend would have to call me to find out where she was...I can't deal with her drama
• I do think she's grown to be into money grabbing....I can't stand the fact that she proudly announced and specifically made a statement that she doesn't need to bring her wallet out with her when she goes out with her then-boyfriend and now husband....what's there to be proud of? She said it in front of me and my then-boyfriend and there was an awkward silence cos we didn't know what she was driving at.....Mind you, it's not jealousy cos BB pays for a lot of stuff and buys me lots of things too but I would never want to be financially dependent on a man....it's a matter of different lifestyle I guess...I just don't agree with hers
• She's FOREVER complaining about how everyone at her workplace was out to get her but yet was so passive to go find a new job. When she got her first job at some F&B establishment, she said the boss gave her shit. Then I called my contact at a publishing firm who's looking for an account servicing person and told her about my friend and I told my friend to write in cos I already spoke to someone about her. She said she was keen but did she do it? No. Why? Too busy. And no, I don't believe you're too busy to send out a resume. Then when I switched job and got a better offer, instead of being happy for me, she said "It's easy for you to get a job because you have connections. You got it because you know people"....What a downer....and of course she continued to complain and when she got a new job in some shipping company, surprise surprise! Everyone's against her again....
• The last straw: She texted me a suicide note on sms about a year plus or two ago, saying that she's gonna take her own life now and asking me to take care. At that point, I've already cooled the "friendship" and I didn't even have her number on my mobile anymore but one look and I knew the sms was from her. I called her husband (she's married already) who then freaked out cos she switched off her mobile and couldn't be reached. Well, the hubby rushed home from the office midway through work and then texted me saying she's home and then I got a message from her thanking me cos the paramedics arrived in time....WTF??????????? I'm done with all her attention-seeking stunt....if you really want to die, firstly, you don't tell anyone cos you just die or jump or slash your wrist (parallel to your wrist), secondly, if your real intention to die and your suicide plan's wrecked, do you actually THANK the person for wrecking your plan? I dunno what to say....but I guess that did it for me and I think I've had enough....It's a bloody selfish act to send someone a suicide note cos if the person really dies, YOU, yes, the person who receives the note would somehow feel responsible to some effect....I know some of you might say, oh fuck it cos it's her issue and her fault and it's not like you kill her, but at that point, I really WAS worried sick and it was nasty...

There're tons more but these are just the main stuff that I remember the most because it was emotionally traumatizing for me cos I really did care and love her as a friend. A hell lot in fact. But sometimes in life, some things happen and affect the relationship and no matter what you do, you can't reverse the effects and the damage is just irreversible. Now that I've looked back in retrospect, I really realize how much more positive I am when she's not around because the people you hang out with pass on their energy to you and I feel so much more healthier emotionally....It's really not that I hate her or anything cos I don't, but I guess sometimes, a friendship does run its course....